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Ask PCN

Submitted by on April 1, 2011 – 12:00 am 16 Comments

From time to time, I’d get emails asking me questions about pop culture and random things I cover here. I usually answer privately but thought I’d try running a collection of questions that amused me. I here present the first “Ask PCN” column.

Q: I want to break into reality TV and get on a show like The Bachelor or America’s Got Talent or maybe Project Runway. Any ideas on how to make my audition video stand out?

PCN: It might help if you have a better idea of the kind of show you’d excel on. Ask yourself: Am I handsome but slightly smarmy? Can I juggle baby koalas while clogging? Can I spot polyester from two hundred yards away? If the answer is all of the above, you should try to get your own talk show on Fox.

Q: My next book club meeting is tomorrow night but I’ve barely started this month’s selection, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I see you’ve reviewed the entire trilogy here. Can you give me some spoilers so I’ll sound like I’ve read it?

PCN: Sure. Lisbeth falls in love with a boy named Romeo but when her parents forbid her to see him, she runs away and joins a fight club, where she meets a limping guy named Keyser Soze and starts seeing dead people. At the very end, she reveals she’s a man. Hope that helps!

Q: Do you know when David Hasselhoff’s next album is coming out?

PCN: Any day now. He’s working hard on an album that’s a mix of hip-hop, polka, and Pat Boone. Look for it soon from street vendors in Thailand.

Q: My boss wants to be friends with me on Facebook but I often post pictures of me and my girlfriends doing…fun stuff on vacation. Do you think I should confirm his friend request? I’m afraid if I don’t, he’ll get offended.

PCN: You should definitely friend your boss and then immediately upload not only photos but videos of your weekend activities. Then you should go into “settings” and make everything visible to everyone, not just your Facebook friends. This will surely get you a promotion. Good luck!

Q: How do I break into acting?

PCN: See above answer. Break a leg!

Q: I love James Patterson’s books. Can you recommend similar books I might enjoy?

PCN: You need more help than I can possibly provide. Please call the nearest urgent care facility.

Q: How did the term “douche bag” enter our vernacular as a slang for jerks? What does one have to do with the other?

PCN: I think it’s because if you say to a jerk “Hey, Summer’s Eve!” it just wouldn’t have the same punch.

*As you may have guessed by now, this entire column is an April Fools’ joke. But I do occasionally get questions so if you’d like me to include yours in a real “Ask PCN” column, use this contact form to send them to me. Happy Friday!

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16 Comments »

  • Jen Forbus says:

    Very entertaining April Fool’s PCN. Hope you have a fun day all around. 🙂

  • Hahahaha! Thanks, PCN, I needed this!

  • Eddy says:

    Good one PCN.

    I actually have a legitimate pop cultureish question and maybe you or your followers can help. I’m trying to figure out the name of an old movie.

    It was years ago (probably mid ‘70s) when I saw it on TV. It was black and white and probably from the ‘40s. The plot centered around a couple who for some reason decided to do a Romeo and Juliet and commit suicide together. The closed all the windows in their apartment and opened up the gas jets on the stove and went to sleep.

    When they woke up, they were on a cruise ship. Since they had killed themselves they realized that they were essentially being ferried across the river Styx. The other passengers on the ship (also dead) didn’t realize that they were dead, but were a bit muddy on how they were on a ship. The ship’s crew knew what was going on.

    SPOILER ALERT

    Long story short, the voyage was to make the transition from life to death easier to accept. When they reached their destination and the passengers were disembarking, the suicide couple weren’t allowed to leave. Those who committed suicide were condemned to be the crew of the ship forever.

    The couple found that unacceptable and began to protest vehemently. Then they woke up alive in their apartment because a bird had crashed through a window and let the gas escape. They had a new outlook on life and were determined to overcome whatever problems they had and go on living.

    The end.

    So, has ANYONE ever heard of this movie or did I just imagine it?

  • Jann says:

    I hope this is as benign an April Fools prank as they get today. I have a coworker who is not above serious pranking, and takes this holiday VERY seriously. I’m already finding myself afraid to try to take the cap off a pen or go into the bathroom alone.
    Thanks for the laughs, Elyse!

  • Novelwhore says:

    hahaha love this. The James Patterson response is my favorite.

  • Pop Culture Nerd says:

    Thanks, everyone, for reading and not hating me for playing a joke on you. Yes, I’m pretty benign because I don’t like people pulling cruel pranks on me. I fear for you, Jann, and hope your day is disaster-free.

    Eddy, I believe this is your movie, Between Two Worlds.

  • Sabrina Ogden says:

    Perfect! Thanks for making laugh today.

  • It can’t be an April Fool’s prank! The James Patterson response is so true!!!!

  • joyo says:

    you. are. HILARIOUS!!!! thanks for this!! made my friday! 😀

  • Pop Culture Nerd says:

    Sabrina/Kate—Hope the laughs continue every day!

    Coffee—Uh, yeah, that part was no joke.

    joyo—Oh goodness, the queen of sitcoms thinks I’m funny? You made MY day!

  • Paulette Feeney says:

    I am so tired I thought you were being slighty mean to those lovely people who took the time to ask you questions! April fools, indeed! hahahaha!

  • Poncho says:

    HA! I totally forgot it’s April’s Fools.

    Well to be fair, we don’t have that “celebration” around here. We do have “Innocent’s Day” on Dec. 28th, though.

    But, anyway… this post was so funny I ALMOST repeated the Coke incident (almost).

  • Pop Culture Nerd says:

    Paulette & Poncho—Ha! I fooled two people! What is Innocent’s Day like, Poncho?

    Too bad you didn’t repeat the Coke incident. I aim for that every day.

  • I’m so slow. {As evidenced by my visiting your 1st April post more than a week later.} If you hadn’t told me it was an April Fools’ Joke, I’d have thought you were just being your usual rapier-witted self. If you decide to make this a regular tongue-in-cheek feature, you have my thumbs-up!

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