Wow, I was bored throughout this show, despite the fact it’s produced by my union and I got to vote for the awards. I can’t even do a best & worst list because the show was, ah, listless and predictable. (Except for when Tina Fey took Steve Buscemi’s wine glass from him and chugged it.) It got to the point where I was happy people didn’t show up to accept their awards because then the show could move closer to its conclusion.

I did wake up a little when Jean Dujardin won best actor for The Artist because, while I adore George Clooney, I liked Dujardin’s performance more. After he won, I crossed my fingers for Michelle Williams to pull an upset, too, for her transformative work in My Week with Marilyn, but I’m good with Viola Davis’s win for The Help.

I voted for Artist for best movie ensemble (wonder if Uggie would’ve gotten an Actor?) but Help‘s win is fine. I did wish, though, that Cicely Tyson had been allowed to make the acceptance speech since 1) she’s a legend, 2) Davis already had her moment when she won her individual award, and 3) Davis herself said Tyson was the reason she wanted to be an actor when she was eight years old.

Anyway, the rest of the winners are:

Supporting actress in a motion picture: Octavia Spencer for The Help

Supporting actor in a motion picture: Christopher Plummer for Beginners

TV drama ensemble: Boardwalk Empire

TV comedy ensemble: Modern Family

Actress in TV drama series: Jessica Lange for American Horror Story

Actor in TV drama series: Steve Buscemi in Boardwalk Empire

Actress in TV comedy series: Betty White for Hot in Cleveland

Actor in TV comedy series: Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock (he’s hilarious but pleeeease give it to someone else next year! Six is enough for this role!)

Actress in a TV movie or miniseries: Kate Winslet for Mildred Pierce

Actor in a TV movie or miniseries: Paul Giamatti for Too Big to Fail

Movie stunt ensemble: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

TV stunt ensemble: Game of Thrones

Even the fashion was ho-hum, not many eye poppers or obvious train wrecks. Some highlights:

1. Michelle Williams. I love that she wore a bright color, and the Valentino is very pretty, but the shoes look a little mall-ish.

2. Viola Davis. Fantastic gown; not sure about the hair, though. Perhaps pulled back and sleek would have been better for a whole goddess-like look.

3. Sofia Vergara. This color is smashing on her, but she still stayed safe in the same body-hugging silhouette she usually wears.

4. Jessica Chastain. The vibrant blue is much better than the white she wore to the Globes, and it’s striking against her red hair, but overall the dress is pretty dull.

5. Shailene Woodley. This dress didn’t make sense to me at all. Maybe she was going for a Hawaiian motif to represent The Descendants?

6. Lea Michele. This made me think of Dave Matthews’s “Crash into Me” lyrics: If she hikes up her skirt a little more, she’d show her world to everyone.

7. Jennifer Carpenter. This is one of my favorites. It might be shorter and more casual, but the beading and details are beautiful, and the dress looks perfect for a sunny, almost 80-degrees day.

8. Emma Stone. She’s so adorable, she can wear whatever she wants.

9. Tilda Swinton. You know you’re in for a slow night when even her gown looks drab.

10. Angelina Jolie. The draping is very sensual, and the metallic gives it a touch of rock ‘n’ roll, but it’s black. Zzzzzzzzzz.

11. Naya Rivera. I’m tired of looking at her breasts at every award show. If it’s not front cleavage, it’s side boobs. We get that you’re hot, now try something classy next time.

12. Emily Blunt. This is a difficult color to wear, but she looks stunning in it. The fit of the gown is divine.

13. Meryl Streep. Mr. PCN said he kept expecting her to pull out a lightsaber from her Jedi-looking outfit.

14. Rose Byrne. She said she was inspired by Michelle Pfeiffer’s Scarface look. Works for me.

15. Regina King. We end with my favorite of the evening. It makes me think of spring.

Which were your favorites?

Michael Fassbender’s work in Shame is also woefully missing from the same category. It’s brave and raw, and he made a difficult character sympathetic. I’m glad Demián Bichir got a nod, though I don’t know why people found that shocking since he was nominated for a SAG Award.

Rapace as Lisbeth

Rooney Mara did just fine as Lisbeth Salander in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but if anyone deserved a nomination for playing that role, it should’ve been the fierce, original Lisbeth, Noomi Rapace (here‘s what I thought of her performance). I don’t know anyone who’s seen both versions who doesn’t agree.

I have no problem with Albert Brooks being omitted from the best supporting actor race. Why should someone get a nomination for playing against type? It should be because the performance is remarkable, right? His work was solid as the gangster in Drive, but I didn’t find it exceptional or among the best of the year.

McGregor with Cosmo in BEGINNERS, Photo: Focus Features

Best Supporting Actor is the weakest out of the acting categories for me. Why is Christopher Plummer the front runner? I liked Beginners and his performance as a gay man who’s liberated by the death of his wife, but it wasn’t more outstanding than anything else he’s done in the past. Ewan McGregor, Melanie Laurent, and Goran Visnjic (maybe even Cosmo the Jack Russell terrier) moved me more in that movie. Plummer’s nomination smells like a lifetime award thing.

I also didn’t find Kenneth Branagh’s work in My Week with Marilyn to be anything special and don’t mean that as an insult. He was just, you know, doing his usual Branagh thing. One of the slots in this category should’ve gone to Sir Ben Kingsley, who got snubbed despite being Hugo‘s most valuable player on screen.

Speaking of which, Hugo got the most nominations of any film? Puh-leeze. I completely agree with best cinematography, visual effects, and art direction, but most of the rest were generous.

I also don’t understand Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close being nominated for best picture, but I’m not alone here so enough said. I do agree with the Academy leaving Bridesmaids out of the best picture category. Yes, it made me laugh a couple times, but the fact people thought it deserved to be among the best movies of the year confounded me. This is not because I’m against comedies getting Oscar love; I’m very much for that. Bridesmaids just wasn’t that comedy.

So, my winner predictions for the lead categories are:

Best Picture—The Artist

Best Actor—George Clooney (though I’d love a Jean Dujardin upset)

Best Actress—Viola Davis  (but am rooting for Michelle Williams, who’ll get my vote in the SAG Awards this weekend)

Best Supporting Actor—Christopher Plummer

Best Supporting Actress—Octavia Spencer

Best Director—Michel Hazanavicius

Here are the major nominees:

BEST PICTURE

The Artist (Thomas Langmann, Producer)

The Descendants (Jim Burke, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Producers)

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (Scott Rudin, Producer)

The Help (Brunson Green, Chris Columbus and Michael Barnathan, Producers)

Hugo (Graham King and Martin Scorsese, Producers)

Midnight in Paris (Letty Aronson and Stephen Tenenbaum, Producers)

The Tree of Life (Nominees to be determined)

War Horse (Steven Spielberg and Kathleen Kennedy, Producers)

Moneyball (Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz and Brad Pitt, Producers)

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Demián Bichir, A Better Life

George Clooney, The Descendants

Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Kenneth Branagh, My Week with Marilyn

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Nick Nolte, Warrior

Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

Viola Davis, The Help

Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

ACTRESS IN SUPPORTING ROLE

Bérénice Bejo, The Artist

Jessica Chastain, The Help

Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids

Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs

Octavia Spencer, The Help

DIRECTING

The Artist, Michel Hazanavicius

The Descendants, Alexander Payne

Hugo, Martin Scorsese

Midnight in Paris, Woody Allen

The Tree of Life, Terrence Malick

WRITING (Adapted Screenplay)

The Descendants, Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash

Hugo, Screenplay by John Logan

The Ides of March, Screenplay by George Clooney & Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon

Moneyball, Screenplay by Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin. Story by Stan Chervin

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Screenplay by Bridget O’Connor & Peter Straughan

WRITING (Original Screenplay)

The Artist, Written by Michel Hazanavicius

Bridesmaids, Written by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig

Margin Call, Written by J.C. Chandor

Midnight in Paris, Written by Woody Allen

A Separation, Written by Asghar Farhadi

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

A Cat in Paris, Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli

Chico & Rita, Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal

Kung Fu Panda 2, Jennifer Yuh Nelson

Puss in Boots, Chris Miller

Rango, Gore Verbinski

Click here for the full list. What did you think of the nominations?

From L: Soderbergh, McGregor, Fassbender, Carano, and McHale

Last November, Haywire was the secret screening at the AFI Fest, with a Q&A session afterward with director Steven Soderbergh, Gina Carano, Michael Fassbender, Ewan McGregor, moderated by Joel McHale. I discussed the movie back then with my contributor Eric Edwards, but since the movie is opening tomorrow (Jan. 20), I thought I’d post some highlights from the lively Q&A.

McHale asked Soderbergh, “How’d you find Gina?” Soderbergh said, “I watched her fights on CBS on Saturday nights…I just thought, ‘Wow’—somebody should really build a movie around this woman…She’s a natural beauty and she beats people into a pulp in a cage.” He’d just been fired from a movie (he didn’t say which one but it’s believed to be Moneyball), he’d always loved early Bond films, so he decided to combine a spy film with “this new thing” because “why is Angelina Jolie the only woman currently who’s allowed to run around with a gun?” When Carano said yes to the movie, he called screenwriter Lem Dobbs (The Limey) and mapped out a plot outline about revenge, with the directive: “She needs to beat her way through the cast.”

And beat them she did. Ewan McGregor was asked about his fight scene with her. He told a story about how he was supposed to throw a punch over her head at one point, but instead, “I punched her in the head. She came straight up and said, ‘Are you okay?’…I really f**king hurt my hand! She didn’t even feel it!”

Soderbergh said he approached Fassbender and asked, “How would you like to get your ass kicked by a woman?” Fassbender replied, “It’s one of my fetishes in life.” He said his brutal fight scene with Carano in a hotel room took two days to shoot, after which “I went back to my room and puked. I put it down to a bug and not getting my ass kicked by Gina.”

McHale asked Carano about her experience fronting the movie, surrounded by such an impressive supporting cast. She said, “It was surreal. I felt more vulnerable than I’ve ever felt in my life.” There’s been press about how her voice was electronically lowered in the movie, and though she sounded softer in real life—probably due to being nervous as a newbie doing Q&A in front of a film audience—she didn’t sound drastically different than she did as Mallory Kane.

In the movie, Carano sports cornrows at one point and McHale jokingly wanted to know if she was doing a Bo Derek homage. “I fight in cornrows,” Carano said, explaining that it keeps her hair out of her face while she’s working. McHale quipped, “I know. I work at E! Ryan [Seacrest] is always punching me in the knees.”

Speaking of hair, McGregor’s character has a geeky cut that’s “based on a guy who owns a private army,” the actor said. He declined to identify that person.

McHale moved on to Fassbender, asking about the roots of his surname. The Irish-German actor said, “In English, it means Cooper, which is someone who makes binding for barrel carts.”

News of the Kardashian divorce had recently broken back on the day of this screening, so McHale asked Soderbergh, “How do you feel?” Soderbergh said, “I almost didn’t come tonight. We’re all in a period of mourning.” He added, “I’ve been on some miserable shoots and 72 days is a long time.” Judging from the good humor and camaraderie of the cast, I’m guessing Haywire‘s shoot wasn’t one of those.

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Ready? Here goes.

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How many can you name? Hit the comments and show off your nerdy stripes. If there are answers before yours, you don’t have to copy them because they’re not necessarily all right!

3:06 Kelly Osbourne, one of the commentators, says that from where she’s sitting, she could literally reach out and touch the stars as they get out of their limos. She couldn’t, ergo she doesn’t know what “literally” means. I want to punch myself in the head whenever someone misuses that word.

3:13 Claire Danes looks great. Her black and white gown is so…interesting. Ooh, the back is really cool!

3:15 Jessica Chastain‘s hair looks dull, not its usual vibrant red. The white Givenchy dress washes her out, too. Since her complexion is so pale, she needs more color, not less.

3:16 OMG, UGGIE IN A BOWTIE STANDING UP ON HIS HIND LEGS FOR THE PAPARAZZI! Best moment on the carpet so far.

3:24 Sarah Michelle Gellar just showed up. Her I Dream of Jeannie ponytail is cute, but Mr. PCN says her dress looks like a tie-dyed tent. Her two-year-old picked it out, which explains it. It’s not horrible, just…messy.

3:29 Paula Patton looks radiant in sunflower yellow. Best accessory? Her big smile. Almost everyone else looks stuck-up, pissed-off, or constipated, but she looks like she’s having a blast!

3:32 Kelly Osbourne has no idea what “monochromatic” means, either, since she used the word to describe Claire Danes’s dress, which has two colors: black and white. She’s making me reach for migraine meds.

3:33 Shailene Woodley looks too matronly. Her Marchesa dress is lovely…for a much older woman. Her hair in that bun is not helping. You’re 19, Shailene! Everyone else is trying to look your age; you should, too.  

3:39 Sofia Vergara usually pops in vibrant color, but she’s wearing a subdued blue Vera Wang tonight, which is kind of boring, especially since it’s the kind of mermaid/body-hugging silhouette she usually wears. Mr. PCN remarks that when she poses with her back to the photogs, she’s basically saying, “Look at my ass!”

3:42 Octavia Spencer looks lovely in lavender. This is a great color on her.

3:45 Freida Pinto is a gorgeous woman, but the blue poofy textured dress makes her look twice her size. Mr. PCN: “It looks like painted elephant skin.”

3:47 Julie Bowen is Old Hollywood classy, so beautiful in her Reem Acra dress. Her ’40s-style hair perfectly complements the gown.

3:50 Who knew Rooney Mara had dimples? Adorable. I’ve never seen her smile (well, she’s not smiling in this photo, only when she was talking to Ryan Seacrest). Her dress is a little predictable, and it looks too big on her. She’s worn edgier ones on her international promotional tour for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

3:54 The Deschanel sisters, Emily and Zooey, are posing together. They’re cute, but their dresses are bad. Emily’s is ill-fitting, and Zooey’s is just not attractive. Not feeling Z’s sideburns, but she has tuxedo nails! Best thing about her outfit, bar none.

3:56 Charlize Theron looks like a sexy fairytale princess, with her sparkly headband and plunging pink Dior gown. None of this would look good on me, but I find it striking on her.

4:01 My first wow moment: Angelina Jolie. White satin Atelier Versace dress that fits like second skin and the red accents and hair and red lips = perfection. No one will be able to top this.

4:10 Evan Rachel Wood looks like she killed a bunch of crows and glued their feathers to the bottom of her dress.

4:13 Mr. PCN says Salma Hayek is wearing the top of the Transamerica Building on her chest. I don’t have a better description. That’s not to say I didn’t like it. It’s unusual, and I like it when stars go for something different.

4:25 Michelle Williams has perfect posture as usual, and she’s more adorable than puppies, but her dress is unfortunate. It looks like drapes at a bed and breakfast. Headbands must be the new trend. Don’t think I’m on board.

4:31 Nicole Kidman‘s dress is an architectural wonder. Impressive, lots going on, but it works. It gets the most unique award.

4:32 I never realized Reese Witherspoon was so, ah, busty. Her loose hair and the big grin indicate she and the girls are ready to party!

4:37 Dianna Agron says her dress is laser cut swans, but Mr. PCN says she’s just wearing red doilies from head to toe.

4:38 Mr. PCN: “If you make Lea Michele‘s dress green, she’s Poison Ivy in Batman & Robin.” That’s it, exactly!

So, the best dress goes to Angelina Jolie, with Charlize Theron in second. Honorable mention goes to someone whose outfit wasn’t featured in the E! coverage, but who deserves kudos for being in a class of her own. Tilda Swinton sometimes confuses me with her style statements, but I think this one is stunning.

Whose gowns did you love? Who did you think must have gotten dressed while drunk?

5:02 After coming out and saying, “So, where was I?” Ricky Gervais’s statement that “the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem” made me chuckle.

5:03 Gervais says the Hollywood Foreign Press Association gave him a list of things he couldn’t do: “No profanity. That’s fine; I’ve got a huge vocabulary. No nudity. See, that’s a shame ’cause I’ve got a huge…vocabulary, but a tiny penis.” Haha! Way to make fun of yourself first, Ricky.

5:05 Talking about Bridesmaids, he said, “The girls finally proved that they could be as raunchy as the men—farting, burping, cursing, performing wild sex acts, even pooping in the sink. I actually heard, for research, the cast spent the weekend with Dame Helen Mirren. She’s dreadful…off the rails.” Ooh, I’d love to spend the weekend with Helen Mirren. Who wouldn’t?

5:07 Love that Gervais put first presenter Johnny Depp on the spot by asking him if he’d seen The Tourist. Depp: “No.”

5:09 Depp reads nominees for best supporting actor in a motion picture. We all know it’s going to be Christopher Plummer. Yup, no surprise. Yay! Cosmo (the Jack Russell terrier who plays Plummer’s character’s dog in the movie) gets a shout-out in his thank-you speech!

6:00 Seth Rogen comes out to present with Kate Beckinsale and says, “I’m Seth Rogen and I’m trying to conceal a huge erection right now.” Gross. No one wants to hear or think about that.

6:01 So happy for Michelle Williams winning best actress in a comedy or musical film! The movie is neither comedic nor musical, but who cares? She’s magnificent as Marilyn Monroe and the race really shouldn’t be between Meryl and Viola. Love how she thanked her daughter for enduring months of bedtime stories being read to her by Williams in a Marilyn voice.

6:07 It’s the battle of the huge dresses between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Piper Perabo. “My dress is bigger than yours. Give me your lunch money!” Gellar may have slayer skills but I think Perabo takes this one since her dress can be used as a parachute.

6:08 Peter Dinklage wins best TV supporting actor for Game of Thrones. He shared that his mother said, “Have fun, but have you seen Mildred Pierce? Guy Pearce is really good and he’s going to win.” He thanks moms for keeping us humble. Aww. As if that weren’t sweet enough, he says he’s anxious because it’s his new baby’s first night with a sitter, then he mentions he’s been thinking about someone named Martin Henderson and tells us to “Google it” as music plays him off the stage. Here‘s what he was talking about. Henderson’s story is quite sobering.

6:22 It’s cute how Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy sang while presenting best supporting TV actress, but why? It’s not a musical category.

6:45 Matt LeBlanc wins for playing himself on the comedy series Episodes! Well, a version of himself. The LeBlanc in the show wouldn’t win a Globe.

6:57 Sydney Poitier comes out to present Cecil B. DeMille award to Morgan Freeman and gets a standing O. Wow, he can sure rule the room. Love Morgan, but I may have to take a food break since these tributes run forEVAH. Oh wait, Helen Mirren! My goodness, is there no end to her amazingness? Hmm. That Driving Miss Daisy joke about driving on the wrong/right side of the road is kind of bombing but she’s so sassy, she’s making it work. She and Freeman should do more movies together! Oh my gosh, why is he taking a bubble bath in a casket? That clip is so weird and great!

7:11 Scorsese win best director for Hugo. No! Wrong!

7:19 Modern Family wins best comedy series. Sofia Vergara and co-creator/exec producer Steven Levitan get to make the acceptance speech, with Vergara speaking in Spanish and Levitan “translating.” Here’s what she said, according to him: “Thank you to the Modern Family writers, who are so funny and so sexy. Film actresses, do yourselves a favor…and give them your phone numbers. They may look pasty and nervous and out of shape, but they’re the best lovers I’ve ever had. Seriously.” No idea what Vergara really said, but would love to know, especially since she made repeated references to presenters Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek.

7:23 Yay, Michelle Pfeiffer! She’s introducing a clip for War Horse. Producers, please employ her more.

7:25 Oh dear, Jessica Biel’s dress makes her look like she’s wearing soap bubbles after stepping out of the bath. Her pronunciation of Jean Dujardin’s name is perfect, though. And he wins best actor in a comedy or musical film! Not a surprise, but still fun, since we’ll get to hear him talk. He says an agent once told him his face is too expressive, too big, and that he’d never be able to do film [where reactions are more intimate]. It’s a good thing Dujardin proved that agent wrong, because his face is what makes The Artist work. It’s so expressive, no words are needed to indicate what he’s feeling. Oh, love how he ended the speech with a silent bit!

7:34 Gervais introduces Colin Firth by rattling off his attributes—Oscar winner, beloved by women, etc.—but then says what we don’t know is that Firth is “very racist…also, I’ve seen him punch a little blind kitten.” Not gonna work, Ricky. We still love him.

7:35 Meryl Streep wins best dramatic film actress for The Iron Lady. Oh, goodness, what in the world is she wearing? Mr. PCN says she looks like she’s dressed for a hoedown. She begins her speech by saying, “When Ricky Gervais’s deal fell through and it came to me to play Margaret Thatcher…” Ha! And then she got bleeped for saying “shit” when she realized she didn’t bring her glasses on stage.

7:41 The Artist wins for best comedy or musical film, and Uggie takes the stage with the creative team! He’s doing tricks and everything! I felt a little bad that he was pulling focus from producer Thomas Langmann, who was trying to give a heartfelt speech involving his late father, but how often do you get to see a dog accept a Golden Globe for best picture?

7:50 As expected, George Clooney win best dramatic movie actor. He goes from graciously paying tribute to his buddy Brad Pitt for his performances and humanitarian work, to thanking Michael Fassbender “for taking over the frontal nudity responsibility that I had.” He also tells Fassbender, “You can play golf…with your hands behind your back.” That’s the umpteenth penis joke tonight. I think this is the most phallic Golden Globes ceremony in recent memory.

7:56 The Descendants wins best picture drama. I’m good with that, as long as The Artist takes the top prize at the Oscars next month.

For a complete list of Globes winners, go here. Here’s my fashion commentary. What did you like or dislike about the show?

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

If you’re curious about this movie at all, it’s probably because you’re a) a diehard fan of the books and/or Swedish movies and want to compare, b) you haven’t read or seen any of the other versions but are thinking about checking this out to see what all the Stieg Larsson and Lisbeth Salander hubbub is about, or c) you’re a David Fincher fan. So here’s what you want to know:

1. Rooney Mara is convincing but her Lisbeth is different than Noomi Rapace’s. Rapace was fiercer, with an undercurrent of anger even when she was still, whereas Mara’s Lisbeth is cooler, as in detached. She also looks younger and more waifish, closer to the book’s description. Bottom line, though, Rapace’s performance leaves a much more indelible impression.
2. If you’ve read the books and seen the Swedish movie, you don’t need to see this one (my review of the book is here and the Swedish movie here). It’s faithful, down to the sluggish exposition in the beginning. There are no surprises because you know everything. The change in the ending, a source of controversy, is not a big deal and it works. Without it, the two-and-a-half-hour movie would’ve been even longer.
3. Except for the dark, freaky title sequence, you can’t tell this is a Fincher movie, though after The Social Network and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Fincher style seems to be expanding.
4. The biggest laugh at the screening I attended came from a T-shirt Lisbeth is wearing when she first meets Mikael.
5. Daniel Craig is a sexier Mikael Blomkvist, which justifies his ladies’ man status in the novels. The actor starts out doing a slight Swedish accent but abandons it fairly quickly (everyone else keeps theirs on). This isn’t about him, though. It’s Mara’s movie. And while she does just fine, Rapace left combat boots that are hard to fill.

Nerd verdict: Fine film, but redundant for those previously Tattooed

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

The protagonist of this movie, based on Jonathan Safran Foer’s novel, might also be autistic or have Asperger’s, like Lisbeth. Eleven-year-old Oskar Schell, whose father died in 9/11, finds a key the senior Schell left behind and goes on a quest to find out where the key fits, believing it’s a clue to a puzzle his dad would’ve wanted him to solve.

1. Thomas Horn, who has never acted before, is an amazing find as Oskar. His role is extremely difficult, for not only does he carry the movie, but he has long monologues spouting facts and figures that would twist the tongue of actors twice his age and experience. Horn is a Jeopardy! kids champion and obviously has the smarts to make the dialogue convincing, but he also has emotional intelligence, a harder thing to access, especially on cue. You can see him thinking, and then feel what he feels.
2. Tom Hanks plays the dad in jovial Hanks fashion, and Bullock has some moving moments as the mom. It’s nice that it’s no longer a surprise when she turns in strong dramatic work. Viola Davis, Jeffrey Wright, and Max von Sydow also have standout scenes, but their roles are all small.
3. It might still be too soon (it may always be) for a wide audience to accept a movie about 9/11. Scenes of people falling from the sky in slo-mo don’t help.

Nerd verdict: Perhaps too Loud, too soon

War Horse

An Irish lad named Albert raises and trains a horse named Joey that his father bought at auction to help around their farm. It’s quite clear, though, that Joey is much too spirited for mundane farm life, and when WWI breaks out, Albert’s father sells him to the cavalry. The movie is Joey’s journey through the war and the people—civilians and military from all sides—whose lives he touches.

1. The horses who play Joey are great actors, displaying such a vivid personality, you can almost tell what Joey would say if he could talk. If you’re not invested in his fate, then your heart is smaller than the Grinch’s.
2. Director Steven Spielberg thankfulky holds back on the war depiction instead of giving us the full Private Ryan, but some of the scenes are no less traumatic. Yes, awful things happen to the horses. I wept more than once, but didn’t feel manipulated because of Spielberg’s restraint.
3. Tom Hiddleston (Loki!), Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock!), and Emily Watson have small roles but make the most of them. Their absense is felt when they’re not on screen.
4. The most memorable scene is one that shows the ridiculousness of war, how people wouldn’t want to kill each other if they could see they’re not that different when standing eye to eye instead of gun to head. The scene is more striking because it uses humor in the middle of a tense situation, and the point is made while we’re laughing, which is sometimes a more effective way to communicate than making others cry.

Nerd verdict: Star Horse

What are you looking to seeing this weekend? If I don’t see you here again before Sunday, I wish you a holiday that makes you feel like a kid waiting for Santa to come the night before. Smile big, spread joy, and may it come back to you tenfold.

Today I’m discussing The Adventures of Tintin with my regular contributor Eric Edwards. This is partly because I wanted someone else to do half the work, but also because I thought another point of view from someone who’s less a rabid fan of Hergé’s work would be valuable. Since Eric attends many of the industry screenings I do, he was the perfect victim.

Tintin, directed by Steven Spielberg, is based on the popular-in-Europe series of comic books about the intrepid boy reporter and his trusty canine companion, Snowy. The movie borrows plot points from a few of the books so a lot happens, but it boils down to Tintin (voiced by Jamie Bell) meeting Captain Haddock (Andy  Serkis), and their chasing an archenemy (Daniel Craig) and buried treasure across different countries via boat, plane, and motorbike.

Pop Culture Nerd: I thought this was well made in many ways but it feels like a kids’ movie because the humor is broad and the characters are caricatures. Ironically, Tintin seems more three-dimensional in the books to me, whereas he’s kind of bland here.

Eric Edwards: The books were pretty flat to me, but Hergé always managed to work in a little bit of wit that was missing here. For example, Snowy had thought bubbles in the books and his banter with other animals was hilarious.

PCN: That’s a good point. Snowy’s personality is much sharper on paper because we can tell what he’s thinking. He’s feisty and funny.

EE: In the movie, he’s really only allowed to be cute.

PCN: Spielberg said in this L.A. Times article that Snowy was the reason he decided not to do this in live action: “There was too much demanded from the dog and the risk was too high to go with dog trainers and several look-a-like dogs.” I wish he’d talked to the person who trained Uggie for The Artist and then tried the live-action route.

EE: Yeah! Uggie could do lots of stuff!

PCN: Snowy issues aside, what’d you think of this movie overall?

EE: I found it underwhelming because I need to relate to the protagonist, but Tintin’s too much of a Boy Scout and everyone else is an oaf and the villain is just evil. Some of the chase scenes were pretty cool, though.

PCN: Yeah, especially the sequence when they’re chasing that bird in the motorcycle and sidecar. That was wow-inducing and justified seeing the movie in 3D. The motion capture has come a long way…

EE: Their eyes are much more alive.

PCN: Yes. No more creepy Polar Expressions. The animation is really well done. Some of the vistas are gorgeous.

EE: It was so real that it became unreal, because it’s almost too perfect. Like in the desert, I don’t know if you can find sand that clean and pure.

PCN: Let’s talk about the score.

EE: It didn’t stand out for me.

PCN: It was a lesser imitation of the Raiders theme in some parts. I noticed similar notes and rhythms. John Williams went for rousing but didn’t quite get there.

EE: Speaking of Raiders, I don’t understand why people are comparing this to that. I don’t think it’s worthy in any shape or form.

PCN: I think it’s apples and coconuts. Raiders was for adults. It had Nazis, romance, violence (remember propeller guy?), mysticism, melting faces. This movie, while respecting the source material and being fairly faithful, seems more directed at kids. Adults can still enjoy it, but I hope they check out the books afterward, for themselves and their children.

Nerd verdicts: PCN—Tintin more 3D on paper, EE—Tintin isn’t gold.

Art: WETA Digital Ltd.

Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocol (Dec. 16)

I didn’t like the last one and wasn’t over the moon about the first two, so it was a pleasant surprise to find myself having a lot of fun watching #4. Director Brad Bird (The Incredibles), in his live-action debut, has revived the franchise and made it exciting. This time, the mission is to prevent nuclear war, but it’s really just an excuse for some nail-biting action. Standout scenes include a chase—on foot and on wheels—in a sandstorm with no visibility, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) climbing the tallest building in the world in Dubai, and a fight inside a parking garage where Hunt does something insane with a BMW. The supporting actors—Jeremy Renner, Paula Patton, and Simon Pegg—are not your cookie-cutter action stars. They bring a little humanity to their characters, with Pegg providing the humor. But this is Cruise’s movie, and he shows he’s still vital. There’s been talk of him passing the torch to Renner, but after this, I think Cruise should keep leading the IMF team, at least for a couple more missions. Nerd verdict: Accept this Mission.

Carnage (Dec. 16)

The entire movie, based on Yasmina Reza’s play God of Carnage, takes place in one afternoon in one location—the apartment of a couple whose young son has been hit by a classmate. Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly play Penelope and Michael, the parents of the “victim,” and Christoph Waltz and Kate Winslet are Alan and Nancy, whose son is the aggressor. The four start out politely trying to negotiate how they should deal with the incident, but the gathering slowly devolves into a nasty session of finger pointing, name calling, and literal projectile vomiting. Roman Polanski gets solid performances out of all four actors, but the problem is none of the characters is very likable. Watching it is like being at a really uncomfortable tea party. Alan can’t stop yapping on his cell phone, Michael turns out to be a boor, Penny is uptight, and Nancy is high-strung. When they start yelling insults at each other, I just wanted to leave the room. Nerd verdict: Carnage is emotional road kill.

Young Adult (Dec. 9)

Charlize Theron stars as Mavis, a YA writer whose maturity level seems stuck in adolescence. After she gets a baby announcement from her high school boyfriend, Buddy (Patrick Wilson), she returns to her hometown in Minnesota determined to win him back. Who cares if he’s married to a sweet woman (Elizabeth Reaser) and just became a father? Mavis is gorgeous and they once had a connection so she’s certain he should be with her. Theron, directed by Jason Reitman, goes balls to the wall with the emotionally screwed-up Mavis (who might also be alcoholic), and her refusal to ask for the audience’s sympathy is impressive. I’ve always thought Theron a gutsy actress and this might be her gutsiest performance, playing an ugly character without the help of prosthetics like in Monster. But Mavis is inaccessible, partly because she has no character arc. She learns nothing from her experiences so what is the point of our taking this journey with her? So we can laugh at or feel sorry for her? That’s the last thing she would want. Nerd verdict: Adult more cringeworthy than puberty.

But the evening wasn’t lost, as my boyf Oscar-winner Colin Firth was there to do Q&A, along with Gary Oldman, Mark Strong, director Tomas Alfredson (Let the Right One In), co-screenwriter Peter Straughan (he and Bridget O’Connor adapted the John le Carré novel), and cinematographer Hoyte Van Hoytema. Since I’m not reviewing, I’ll just throw up a couple of pictures and call it a day. Enjoy!

Oldman & Firth

Firth & Strong