When that semitrailer I mention in the comment above hit my car, the car was totaled and I was crushed. By the time the ambulance arrived, I was dead. But when a paramedic tried to revive me, I came back to life. Although I have no memory of the afterlife, all wittnesses insist this is true.

Last week I was about to make a U-turn onto a busy street. A semitrailer truck pulled up in the lane next to me. There is room for both of us there, but he didn’t make his turn wide enough. The semitrailer hit the passenger side of my car.

That part is explainable. But the unexplainable part is that the driver of the semitrailer told the policeman it was my fault, so no one got a ticket and his insurance company won’t pay me my deductasble. How could the policeman have thought that this might have been my fault?

So I’m heading out on a walk with Hank, connected to my iPhone so I can listen to my audiobook. Earbud cord got stuck on bottom of jacket, so I ran my hand from my ear to the bottom of my jacket, near my side pocket, to loosen it. At that exact moment, I felt a finger run the entire length of my butt, like someone had come up behind me and ran their finger down my right cheek. I immediately whirled around, expecting to see someone I know playing a joke on me. NO ONE WAS THERE. I repeated the motion I had made to loosen my cord, repeated every motion I could think of for several minutes and could not even come close to reproducing the touch sensation I’d felt.

I can only conclude the forces of evil are reaching out from hell to seek my company before my time.