Here in L.A., auditions always seem to happen at 5 p.m. in the location that’s farthest away from you. If you live in Santa Monica, the appointment will be in Woodland Hills, which will take about 3 hours on the 405. If you live in Encino, you’ll need to go to Westwood, which will take 3 days. That’s just the way it works.
So often, actors are late to their appointments. The usual excuse is “Traffic was really bad/There was an accident” but here are the top ten most creative ones I’ve heard over the years:
- I was in jail.
- I was kidnapped by my boyfriend and driven to the desert and couldn’t get back until now.
- My roommate choked me last night so it’s still hard for me to talk.
- I quit my nanny job and I have no car ’cause my employers had been letting me use theirs so I’ve been walking all night to get here.
- I was halfway here when I realized I forgot to put on underwear and had to turn around.
- I have no idea what time my appointment was or why I’m here. What am I auditioning for?
- I’m on my 45th day of a 48-day fast and it’s just been tough.
- My shift at the Hustler casino didn’t end until four this morning.
- Don’t you know who I am?
- I took the wrong ramp and almost ended up in Mexico.