Here in L.A., auditions always seem to happen at 5 p.m. in the location that’s farthest away from you. If you live in Santa Monica, the appointment will be in Woodland Hills, which will take about 3 hours on the 405. If you live in Encino, you’ll need to go to Westwood, which will take 3 days. That’s just the way it works.

So often, actors are late to their appointments. The usual excuse is “Traffic was really bad/There was an accident” but here are the top ten most creative ones I’ve heard over the years:

1. I was in jail.
2. I was kidnapped by my boyfriend and driven to the desert and couldn’t get back until now.
3. My roommate choked me last night so it’s still hard for me to talk.
4. I quit my nanny job and I have no car ’cause my employers had been letting me use theirs so I’ve been walking all night to get here.
5. I was halfway here when I realized I forgot to put on underwear and had to turn around.
6. I have no idea what time my appointment was or why I’m here. What am I auditioning for?
7. I’m on my 45th day of a 48-day fast and it’s just been tough.
8. My shift at the Hustler casino didn’t end until four this morning.
9. Don’t you know who I am?
10. I took the wrong ramp and almost ended up in Mexico.