Reviews of New Movie Trailers

These movies won’t be out for at least a couple of months but trailers are available so I thought I’d review them. Trailers are an art in their own right—they only have a few seconds to grab you by the throat and make you want to start saving up for that $12 ticket and $10 bucket of corn. Take a look by clicking on each title and let me know if they succeeded.

Public Enemies — July 1. The trailer just became available and it looks slick and sexy. Johnny Depp as John Dillinger is being chased by Christian Bale as Melvin Purvis but makes time to flirt with the slinky Marion Cotillard. Somewhere admidst all the gunfire Dr. Manhattan—er, Billy Crudup—shows up, too. Rating: Hot.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past — May 1. Why do people continue to give Matthew McConaughey leading roles? When was the last time he made a good movie and/or showed any kind of acting chops? Failure to Launch? Ha! Fool’s Gold? Please. Here, he plays a womanizing jerk who’s about to ruin his brother’s wedding until ghosts of girlfriends past pay him a visit to teach him about true love. Oy. The beautiful and talented Jennifer Garner is too good for him. I’d be watching the movie, yelling, “No, Jen, move along! He’s an idiot!” so what would be the point? Incidentally, many years ago, Disney almost made this movie with Garner’s hubby, Ben Affleck (Garner wasn’t attached), but then pulled the plug on it. New Line probably should’ve let Ghosts stay dead. Rating: Sucks Dirt.

Funny People — July 31. The Apatow Dumpling Gang is all here—wife Leslie Mann, kids Iris and Maude, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill—in Judd’s third feature as director. Add Adam Sandler as a stand-up comic who learns he might be dying. Unfortunately, I feel as if I’ve seen the whole movie from the trailer and wasn’t that amused by it. Apatow said he wanted to make a serious film “that is twice as funny as my other movies.” I think he succeeded with the serious, but the funny remains to be seen. Rating: Okay. (UPDATE: Here’s a pseudo-review by a source of mine who attended a screening.)

Angels & Demons — May 15. Tom Hanks is back as Robert Langdon with only slightly better hair. I thought The Da Vinci Code was unwatchable but this trailer looks kinda tight. Rome is one of my favorite cities so seeing it used as a backdrop increased my interest a little (didn’t read Dan Brown’s book; don’t plan to). Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgard and Armin Mueller-Stahl also pop up, looking very intense and/or evil. Rating: Good.

Inglorious Basterds — Aug. 21.  I thought this trailer was hilarious and am not sure whether Tarantino intended it that way. But watching Brad Pitt say, “I want my scalps!” in his Southern accent and then Hitler throwing a fit, yelling, “Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein!” made me laugh. I’m not sold on what seems to be an ultra-violent movie (I ran screaming from the room during the ear-cutting scene in Reservoir Dogs) but the trailer was amusing. Rating: Good.

The Taking of Pelham 123 — June 12. John Travolta’s baddie and Denzel Washington’s good guy go head to head in matching goatees, with Travolta taking hostages on a subway for ransom. Looks like lots of action, which is expected in a Tony Scott movie, but it all looked generic. Nothing stood out as awe-inspiring like, say, last year’s Wanted trailer, which showcased craaazy, mind-blowing stunts with Angelina Jolie in a red sports car and a guy who jumped out a window at the camera, his face a mask of broken glass pieces. Rating: Okay.

So, you excited about any of these? What are you saving up your loose couch change for?