My Fantasy Fellow Jurors
Yesterday, I had jury duty and found Rumer Willis in my jury pool. This got me fantasizing about being on a jury panel full of famous people. Who would I want on there?
After some deliberating (I had a lot of time to kill), I came up with this list of 11 people I’d like to serve with and why:
- Chuck Norris, because if anybody tried to bullshit him, he’d roundhouse them in the head.
- Simon Baker, because he can read minds like he does on The Mentalist and tell when someone’s lying. OK, that’s reaching but c’ mon, it’s Simon Baker. Do I need to explain why I want to be sequestered with him?
- Bono, because he seems to have a strong desire to do the right thing. Plus, he can lend me his shades so I can sleep through boring testimony.
- Tina Fey, because she’s smart and sharp-witted so she’d make deliberations fun.
- Jesus, because who would lie to Jesus?
- J.K. Rowling, because she knows about good vs. evil. Also, she might write the plot of her next book on lunch napkins and leave them lying around.
- Speaking of lunch, I’d want Wolfgang Puck, because he’d take the crappy food in the courthouse cafeteria and turn it into something edible. Yesterday, my beef stew looked like it had floating chunks of…never mind.
- Cate Blanchett, because I just want to sit next to her amazingness.
- Ann Coulter, because if deliberations go long and I get cranky, I want someone around I can slap without remorse.
- George Clooney, because I want to dare him into placing a whoopee cushion on the judge’s chair.
- Bruce Springsteen, because he’s the Boss and can serve as foreman.
Who would be on your fantasy jury panel and why?