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Movie Review: SHREK FOREVER AFTER

After the rubbish that was Shrek the Third, I thought if the filmmakers wanted to give us a happily ever after, they should stop making Shrek movies. My reaction to news about this fourth installment was, “Really?! Is it called ‘Every Last (Henny) Penny Wrung’?”

So I don’t know if it was because of my low expectations but Shrek Forever After (opening Friday, May 21) is better than I thought it would be, though it’s not up to par with numbers 1 and 2 and really should be the last. It’s as if everyone went back to the drawing board to rediscover why the movies were good in the first place and made a concerted effort to justify this sequel’s existence. And that’s what Forever After does—go back in time and ask the It’s a Wonderful Life-ish question: What if Shrek (Mike Myers) had never been born and therefore never saved Fiona (Cameron Diaz) from the tower?

The situation stems from Shrek feeling too domesticated by his wife and three babies, fearing the loss of his true ogre-ness. He can’t take a mud bath in peace, his roar no longer scares anyone and is treated like a party trick. Rumpelstiltskin (Walt Dohrn) comes along and promises Shrek one day in which he can be a carefree ogre again, without any familial responsibilities to blunt his edge. Shrek must give Rumpy a day from his past in exchange, so the evil R (I’m not typing that long-ass name over and over) takes the one when Shrek was born. This creates an alternate universe in which Rump rules Far Far Away with witches as sycophants and ogres as slaves.

But Fiona doesn’t take the situation lying down. She has escaped the dragon’s keep all by herself and become a leader of the revolution to overthrow Rumpy’s tyranny. She doesn’t have time for romance; she doesn’t even know Shrek when he shows up. He has exactly one day to extract a true love’s kiss from her before he turns into nothingness.

The movie is darker in tone than I remember the others being, with scenes of ogres in chains and Donkey (Eddie Murphy) being repeatedly whipped while used to pull a carriage. Though cowed, Donkey still has his trademark mouthiness. When he meets Shrek and thinks the ogre is going to eat him, he yells: “Eat my face last and send my hooves to my mama!” Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) probably gets the most laughs as a fat lazy cat no longer wearing his trademark footwear. And I must admit a badass chain-mailed Fiona throwing knives is more interesting than Housewife Fiona.

Myers, Murphy and Diaz turn in their reliable voice work (while stars like Jon Hamm and Jane Lynch are underused), but the cool backstory here is that Dohrn, the movie’s story editor, got to voice Rumpelstiltskin. Early in production, Dohrn recorded temp tracks for the animators to use while drawing the character, fully expecting an actor to replace his voice in the final version. But DreamWorks Animation CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg apparently loved Dohrn’s work and kept it in, putting his name up in lights next to the A-list stars’. I’d call that a fairytale ending.

Nerd verdict: Diverting Forever After

Animation courtesy DreamWorks

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Final Showdown in Sight: Predicting Top 2 on AMERICAN IDOL S9

by Jason Matthews

As the dying whale carcass of this show lumbers slowly to the season finale shore, the machinations of the producers have become more and more transparent. It is clear as day that all involved want Crystal and Lee in the finale. From the low-fi song choice given to Casey to the anchor spot and gospel choir backup for Lee to the continued gushing over Crystal, American Idol was practically BEGGING us not to vote for lazy, lady-haired cougar bait Casey. Really though, who can blame them?

When you get to Top 3, reviewing performances is a bit redundant. We know all we need to know about the talent and skill of these kids, good or bad (mostly bad), so it’s really just who we like and don’t like as contestants. To that end we won’t be reviewing the performances from last night. But here’s a quick recap of last night’s show:

Ryan hates this season the most ’cause he had to give up his patented ‘THIS… is aMERIcan IDOL!” to the Top 3. The judges wake up, remember they are on camera, and then swiftly go back to sleep. Casey’s up first, he’s barely trying. Same as it ever was. The producers keep cutting to the audience where people are holding up signs for Lee. Always a good idea to show how little the audience respects the talent currently on stage. The judges automatically transfer $50 into your personal bank account so you won’t vote for Casey.

Crystal’s up, she’s fine, same as always, and the judges crank their BS up to 11 and practically step on throat of Melissa Etheridge’s reputation (who, by the way, has a really kick-ass new single on the radio) to call Crystal great for the 47th week in a row. Crystal forms her Caucasian dreadlocks into the shape of “DUH.”

Lee hits the stage, the crowd goes donkey-balls nuts, he sings as gruffly, blandly, Nickelback-y as humanly possible and the judges take turns having a compliment orgy over the thing. Somewhere in the world, David Cook just rolled his eyes, put on a pair of leather pants and full on blew the minds of an arena full of people. Same as it ever was. Lather, rinse, repeat, credits.

To make a very near perfect generalization, the Top 2 for every season of American Idol is always a dead heat, talent-wise. The Sanjayas, George Huffs, Scott Savols and Haley Mercados never make it this far. A fun personality and a catchy hook only get you so far; you have to be a real gamer to sing in the finale. Because of this, Top 3 is the most predictable results week of every season.

Casey James is going home. Let’s talk with facts, people, and those are the facts. Crystal and Lee gave two standout performances each, showed charisma, made smart choices, worked the crowd, and, you know, CARED. Casey looked half in the bag, bored by the spectacle, disinterested in the judges’ comments and not particularly upset when he got called out for being mediocre. He may become a top-selling country artist (and I believe he will be), but for now, he’s a disappointing, unworthy Idolist. All he had to do was show he really CARED about being the next American Idol and we would have considered vaulting him over Lee. We’re desperately seeking reasons to not be fake-wowed by his wannabe Daughtry ass, but Casey refused to give us any. And for that he will be sent home, so he can spend more time with his “music,” and by “music,” I of course mean “putting shiny conditioner in his lady hair.”

We’ll be back next week for an in-depth analysis of who deserves to be the Next American Idol. Until then, let’s all thank ABC for moving the Lost finale to Sunday so we Idolists can be free to attend the funeral for this hollow, empty season.

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Linking Up

No, that’s not an invitation to hook up later at a bar, just me posting a few links for you to click on if you want to catch up on some entertainment stuff. I could write a long post about everything but it’s Monday and I’ve got a plate of eggs to eat.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw & Boris Kodjoe star in UNDERCOVERS

The TV upfronts are this week, which means networks are announcing their fall schedules. NBC’s going first today; you can see clips from some of their new shows here. Though likable faces show up (Jimmy Smits! Amaury Nolasco!), I must say the clips are all underwhelming, even from the J.J. Abrams pilot, Undercovers, about husband-and-wife spies. Worst offenders are Perfect Couples and Jerry Bruckheimer’s Chase. Wayyy too much overacting going on.

The only ones that looked slightly interesting to me were Friends with Benefits (that gross kiss is kinda funny!) and Outsourced, at least until the lame joke about a character’s Indian name. Jokes about people’s foreign names are not funny! Especially when you’re in their country! (Kinda sore subject for me: I have a cousin named Dung, a perfectly decent Vietnamese name but imagine the kind of ribbing that gets here.)

I’m assuming you’ve heard about NBC’s cancellations of Mercy, Trauma, Heroes, and original flavor Law & Order. Taking L&O’s spot on Wednesdays at 10 p.m. is Law & Order: Los Angeles. Wow, what a revamp. I think the network changed coasts just to avoid paying Sam Waterston’s salary. No cast has been announced for the new version because the pilot script isn’t finished.

I know I sound a little skeptical right now but when fall comes around, I’ll probably sample each show at least once. My cynical heart still hopes something will surprise and entertain me like Glee and Cougar Town have this past season (oops, both are on different networks). I’m also happy Chuck was renewed and NBC is putting scripted programming in the 10 p.m. slot again.

Over at Fox, these four shows have been confirmed as pickups. Shawn Ryan’s Ride-Along looks most promising to me. Jennifer Beals as Chicago’s first female police chief? I’m there. Looks like the Steven Spielberg-produced Terra Nova got a spot, too, though the pilot, like LO:LA‘s, hasn’t even been shot. Apparently, the production designer from Avatar is being brought in but the premise sounds dicey to me. I have about as much interest in a prehistoric drama as I have in a bladder infection. (UPDATE: Glee just got the coveted post-Superbowl slot next year.)

OK, enough TV talk. There’s also a little film festival going on in Cannes right now, with lots of movies being screened and reviewed, including the Wall Street sequel (why?) and Woody Allen’s new one, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger. You can check out the Hollywood Reporter‘s extensive coverage here.

Do any of the new fall shows sound interesting to you? Were you heartbroken by any cancellations? Are you excited about yet another incarnation of The Three Musketeers, this time in 3D? How about the Martin Scorsese documentary on George Harrison?

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Nerdy Hot 10 List 2010

Maxim recently released its 2010 Hot 100 List of sexy women, which means it’s time for me to post my second annual list of nerdy hot guys—men known more for being quirky than chiseled—presented in no particular order. (Check out last year’s list here.)

Matt Damon. Yes, he’s ultra cool as Jason Bourne but also super nerdy as Mark Whitacre in The Informant and the Ocean’s movies. Rumor has it he’ll be Tina Fey’s next boyfriend on 30 Rock, which means he’ll be bringing the dorkiness. Can’t wait!
Craig Ferguson. He does the wackiest monologues in late night, and in a sexy Scottish brogue to boot.
Harry Connick Jr. Sure, he’s a talented musician, singer and actor, but he’s also a giant goofball. Did you see him on American Idol recently? Aaron Kelly thinks Connick should replace Simon as judge next year and I think that’s the best suggestion yet.
Robert Sean Leonard. His straight-laced Wilson is constantly being abused by House, but every once in a while, Wilson pulls a good prank on the mean doctor and I can’t resist a skilled prankster (as long as the joke’s on someone else).
Nathan Fillion. Whether he’s playing a space captain or crime novelist, he’s always just a little bit goofy and that’s why he’s on this list.
Hugh Grant. Good hair or not, he’s so awkward it’s almost difficult to watch him sometimes. But I do, because his discomfiture always makes me laugh.
Zachary Levi. He plays Chuck, a super nerd carrying a top secret government database in his head, but excuse me, THAT’s nerdy? The only things that make the character believable are Levi’s thespian skills, Chuck’s clumsiness and tendency to talk too much.
Matthew Morrison. Mr. Schue may lead the glee club and be unlucky with women, but if the glee club teacher in my school had looked and danced like him, I’d be a brilliant singer right now.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He plays outcasts in indie films and pines unrequitedly for Zooey Deschanel in (500) Days of Summer, but the dancing he did to Hall & Oates in the movie and later on Saturday Night Live? Retro sexy.
Jason Sudeikis. He’s often hidden behind ridiculous wigs & porn ‘staches on Saturday Night Live, but showed up looking perfectly cute as Floyd, Liz’s ex-boyfriend on 30 Rock.

Who’s on your nerdy hot list?

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Betty White on SNL

Photo: NBC

Did you see Betty White hosting Saturday Night Live last night? It was one of the funniest episodes in years. She scored in almost every skit while the average host is lucky to get a couple laughs in the entire show. Though the running theme was “Let’s see how dirty Betty White can be” (it did get gimmicky towards the end), she was game and showed she could raunch it up with the best of them.

And she was among some of the best cast members from the show’s recent history. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and Ana Gasteyer returned to form an all-star company around Betty, with Shannon bringing back her Sally “I’m 50” O’Malley character, only to have Betty whup her ass (she did the kicks!) by declaring “I’m 90.”

Highlights: (click on links to watch the skits)

Gasteyer and Shannon reprising their roles of the droll NPR ladies hosting the Delicious Dish talk show, discussing food in double entendres (see: the famous Schweddy balls skit with Alec Baldwin). This time they bring on Betty to talk about her muffins. Gasteyer: “There’s a tangy taste in this muffin. Is that a cherry?” Betty: “My muffin hasn’t had a cherry since 1939.”
Betty giving wacky answers to Fey when Fey shows up at her apartment as a census taker. Asked what her ethnicity is, Betty replies, “Superior to Asians but not as intelligent as blacks.” Fey: “How many people live at this residence?” Betty: “Zero.” Fey: “You don’t live here?” Betty: “Oh, including me? Three.”
In her opening monologue, she makes fun of Facebook, which fans used to campaign for her hosting gig. “[In my day], we had poking but it wasn’t something you did on a computer. It was something we did on a hayride. Under a blanket.” She concluded by saying, “If I could, I would take you all on a big hayride.”
In an old-fashioned Little Women-style skit, Betty tells her girls if she could do it all over again, she’d probably be a lesbian. “There’s one thing I would not miss: balls.”
Betty telling some punks if they don’t shape up, they won’t get a fairy tale ending but will instead come face to face with “the Wizard of Ass” in prison.

What did you think of the show? Did you find Betty being naughty funny? Or did her saying “motherf***ker” go too far?

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Movie Review: BABIES

Let me be clear. I’m not into cutesy stuff. You try baby talkin’ to me, I will probably punch you. I don’t fall for awwwjerking entertainment.

Ponijao

But I love cute babies and Babies (opening today, limited release) has four of them. Producer Alain Chabat, who came up with the idea, and director Thomas Balmès documented the kids from birth to first steps by letting the camera observe them in their natural habitats with no interference (which gets a little nerve-wracking sometimes).

Bayar

The cast: Ponijao, a Namibian girl; Bayarjargal, a boy from Mongolia; Mari, a Japanese girl, and Hattie, a girl from San Francisco. There’s hardly any dialogue or music; adults are practically extras. The babies are the main attractions and they are enough to carry the movie.

Mari

My favorite segments are with Bayar, the adventurer who roams free on all fours among cows and goats, and Ponijao, who loves sticking everything in her mouth, including a bone of unknown origin found in the dirt. Mari has one of the funniest scenes in the movie, throwing herself on the ground in fits of despair when she can’t figure out the concept of simple toys. Surprisingly, the parts with Hattie are least engrossing, though it’s no fault of hers. Because her American upbringing is so familiar—playgrounds, Kindermusik-type lessons, parents reading parenting books—her experiences offer no new insight.

Hattie

Watching these babies discover the world is a delight, even if it was difficult at times to see Ponijao and Bayar surrounded by flies. I wanted to reach through the screen and wipe their faces, yank out things that shouldn’t be in their mouths. But whether crawling in dirt naked or being carted around in strollers, the babies are much more resilient than we give them credit for, and they don’t need fancy trappings in order to thrive. Bayar looks elated eating toilet paper, while Ponijao finds wonder in licking a dog. And can you remember when your own feet fascinated you? Director Balmès doesn’t try to hit us over the head with any kind of statement; for me, Babies was a simple reminder that no matter how we were raised, we were born strong and can find joy anywhere.

Now excuse me while I go play with my toes.

Nerd verdict: Fun to watch Babies

Photos courtesy Focus Features

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Strangeness in the Night: AMERICAN IDOL Season 9 Top 5 Perform Sinatra

American Idol is officially asleep at the wheel. That’s the only explanation for how they allowed these 5 clowns to attempt to croon on national television, when not a one of them has the charisma, vocal chops or musicality to pull it off (yes, Crystal included). Harry Connick Jr. pulled a Ryan Seacrest and did EVERY job ever invented last night, from writing the arrangement to playing on stage with the Idolists to actually mentoring them (which means giving them constructive criticism that helped to enrich the performance, not saying nice things about them in the manner of Adam Lambert) to carrying the humor of the show. All Crystal, Mike, Aaron, Casey and Lee had to do was say words out loud in a melodic fashion, and yet they STILL failed miserably. What an abject failure of a performance night.

Why couldn’t Harry have just performed for an hour using different voices attributed to each Idolist (I’d die to hear his Aaron Kelly squeak)? Wouldn’t that have been more fun? Wouldn’t that have sounded better?

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Lee DeWyze – “That’s Life”

Photo: FOX

If Harry Connick Jr and Elijah Wood had a kid, it would be Lee DeWyze exactly. Wears a suit well, dreamy blue eyes, lovely singing voice, short as a hobbit and awkward when speaking. Lee gave the best of a bad bunch of performances. He dressed for the theme of the night, which is always a smart move. And he looked like he was actually enjoying himself, the way Frank Sinatra used to perform. Spectacular arrangement by Harry; wild to watch him stare in horror at his less talented doppelganger.

Crystal Bowersox – “Summer Wind”

Crystal was the only Idolist Harry took seriously. I loved his observation that the more obscure she makes her connection to the song, the more personal the audience will feel toward it. She looked FANtastic, shockingly sexy even. While the performance was a bit boring, with an unflattering, clunky arrangement, Crystal showed surprising genre range. Since Crystal is going to win this thing no questions asked, it’s good of her to give us a little taste of all the sounds she’ll be recording down the road. And it’s an ever better opportunity for us to prepare for all the sounds we’ll be ignoring when she records them.

Mike Lynche – “The Way You Look Tonight”

Was Harry blacking it up for Big Mike, or do we have to give him a pass for the jive talk ’cause he’s from the Treme? So look, Crooner Night carries an obvious level of fakeness, which, added to Mike’s natural resting state of corniness, automatically leaves a trail of bullshit a mile long. Putting a teeny tiny hat on such a giant head doesn’t make matters better. But if anyone was built for this night, it’s Big Mike, and he milked it for all it was worth. He’ll be back next week to give us more of that corniness we hatelove so much.

Aaron Kelly – “Fly Me To The Moon”

Never looked better, never sounded worse. He looked like the best-looking Newsie of Christian Bale’s dreams (speaking of, Aaron would make a FANtabs Cowboy Kelly in the remake), even though he was basically dressed for church. But that voice. That voice has no power to it. No danger to it. There is nothing sexy about it. So why would we buy him singing any Sinatra song, least of all “Fly Me To The Moon?”

Casey James – “Blue Skies”

The encapsulation of everything wrong with American Idol this season. Casey has the voice and attitude to croon. He has the look and the sex appeal. He can make it happen. So what does he do? Gives a half-assed, jokey, sloppy, karaoke performance that ensures him a ticket home. Who Gordon Gekko’d his hair? When did he put his voice into a meat grinder? Where was the pork pie hat? Why was he in an obnoxious purple shirt? What was he thinking??? Now we have to sit through a finale with boring-ass Lee. Thanks a bunch, Casey. Go take off your shirt for some cougars!

Does Idol have a chance to turn things around this season? Does anyone out there still care about these kids?

(Spoiler alert: both of those questions are rhetorical.)

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The Right Movie for Your Mother

Since this coming Sunday is Mother’s Day, I’ve been thinking about what to get my mom. Which led me to thinking about movies about mothers and how DVDs would make great gifts.

But there are different kinds of mothers and you can’t just buy The Hurt Locker for someone who loves Sandra Bullock comedies, or Avatar for a woman who likes good movies.

Therefore, I’ve devised the short quiz below to help you to determine what kind of mother you have and the corresponding flick she might enjoy.

1. In high school, if she found out you were being bullied, she would:

a) strap on a giant machine gun and go confront the offending kid’s parents

b) call up the bully’s house and make snarky comments to put the kid in his/her place

c) sing a song about how you should send out an S.O.S. next time it happens

d) sue the bully’s family

e) tell you that suffering is part of life

2. If you got bad grades, she would:

a) say you have MUCH bigger things to worry about, like killer robots

b) say, “Oh well, at least you’re not pregnant!”

c) tell you it’s okay, you’ll always have a job helping her run the family business

d) lecture you long and hard about how you might end up in a trailer park with babies by different daddies if you don’t get your act together

e) tell you not to worry since you’d be married by 18 anyway. In fact, she’d already arranged your marriage for you.

3. Her relationship guideline is:

a) Make sure someone’s not from the future before you sleep with them

b) You should wait until marriage to have kids, or at least until you’re out of your teens

c) Don’t date 3 people at once

d) You should date people with nice jobs, like in a law firm, but bikers can be nice, too

e) You must marry Asian!

4. Her career advice:

a) Acquire leadership skills and learn how to use heavy weaponry

b) It’s cool if you just want to hang out, write songs and play guitar with your geeky friend

c) Don’t run your own business because you’ll work all night and work all day and still have nothing left

d) Work hard, stick to your convictions, but wearing a good push-up bra can’t hurt

e) What career? Your job is to have babies and take care of your husband

5. Her life philosophy:

a) Trust no one

b) Never lose your sense of humor

c) Be open about your past, even if you were a little slutty

d) Don’t be a f*cking hypocrite

e) Small feet are better

If your answers are:

Mostly a’s—Your mom would love a copy of Terminator 2: Judgment Day. She’ll enjoy another viewing of it while she polishes her M16s.

Mostly b’s—I’d recommend a DVD of Juno as a thank-you for all those times she stood by you and didn’t judge even though you screwed up.

Mostly c’s—Your mother will feel a kinship with Meryl Streep’s character in Mamma Mia! And since she’s been working so hard, maybe you can throw in plane tickets to the Greek islands, too.

Mostly d’s—Send your mom a copy of Erin Brockovich with a card telling her she’ll always look fab in tight skirts and heels.

Mostly e’s—Invite your mother over for dinner, making sure the table is set properly and the soup isn’t too salty, and then present her afterward with a DVD of Joy Luck Club and the latest pictures of your 6 children, showing them playing piano or chess.

What will you give your mom?

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AMERICAN IDOL Top 6: You’re Still (Not) The One

After a week off to rest, recuperate and actively avoid the awful monolith that is Idol Gives Back, I return to find that nothing has changed, the season is still boring, Randy is still useless, Ellen is still unfunny, Simon is still bored out of his mind and Ryan is still trying too hard to make everyone happy (classic Seacrest!). We are in the death throes of a harpooned TV whale, slowly sinking to the bottom of the pop culture sea. If there is any karma in this world, you can bet Paula Abdul is that harpoon. Let’s go ahead and put the once majestic mammal out of its misery.

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Photo: FOX

Casey James – “Don’t”

Ooh, I do love to see the mentor sing along with the Idolist. Shania and Casey would make a dream performance in Hair Heaven. Just locks and locks for days. Casey was great tonight. Nice voice, beautiful control, smooth vocal. Good choice of stool. He sounded so good he could make this a radio hit tomorrow. Shania loved the performance. I, however, love Casey’s secret double chin and super girl face more.

Crystal Bowersox – “No One Needs to Know”

Either the producers told her to take a dive this week to make the next month appear 2% less completely predictable, or the judges huddled up before the show and picked Crystal out of a hat as the Idol to roundly hate on for no good reason. Was Crystal just all right? Yes. Was the song sort of lounge-y and lullaby-ish? Yes. But it wasn’t BAD. And the judges don’t need to uniformly agree not to LIKE her this week. What kind of gross collusion is that? Just let the hippie win already!

Lee DeWyze – “You’re Still the One”

Lee was the right Idolist to get the BIG Shania hit; he just didn’t do anything special with it. Crystal would have killed it. Like, whoa. Siobhan would have been too karaoke. Aaron would have been a joke. Big Mike would have dripped cornball juice on it. And Casey didn’t need the recognition juice from the song. This was the chance for Lee to write his ticket to the Top 3 and he biffed it with note-perfect mediocrity. Limp opening, serviceable middle, bland alt-rock ending. I wish Shania had sat him down and showed him the Kris Allen “Heartless” performance as a lesson on how to white-guy reevaluate and rock a hit. Instead, we got something forgettable. May I make a bad joke? Lee is still the (bland) one.

Michael Lynche – “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing”

My Idol break did nothing to make Mike seem less corny. If anything, it’s worse. He certainly FEELS the song, which is all well and good, but his “sincerity” just comes off as totes cheeser balls. Nice falsetto at the end, though. While I’m here, it was nice to see Shania love Big Mike so much, always a joy to see the mentor enjoy their time. I did notice one thing, though. I was watching Shania gesticulate with Mike and it appeared to me as if…well, does Shania Twain have…frists?

Siobhan Magnus – “Any Man of Mine”

Boots? Love. All the stage roaming? Hate. Dudechickbro, just chill the hell out at the mic stand and sing. The movement is slowing her already tortoise-fast voice and the music is practically lapping her. And she gets no points for the glory note, because it was pandering. It was begging for votes. David Cook never begged. Carrie Underwood never begged. Taylor Hicks didn’t even beg. Because the first moment you beg is the first moment you start losing.

Aaron Kelly – “You’ve Got a Way”

Very cute watching Shania go into instant Mama-Bear mode the moment Aaron started to struggle. She looked liked she might try to adopt him right there. He could do worse for a stage mom. OK, let’s get real for a hot moment: This teen talent show shenanigan has gone on far too long. A nice Archuleta voice is fine and dandy, but Top 5 on American Idol? I don’t think so. No power or second level to his voice. No grit. No life experience. Just admirable determination and want. Which isn’t good enough to make it to May.

Is it time for Aaron to go back to school? Or will Siobhan give birth on stage to her Idol doom? Let me know in the comments.

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AMERICAN IDOL & GLEE Mash-up Review

Our esteemed American Idol critic, Jason Matthews, is unavailable this week so I’m doing a mash-up review of Idol and the “Madge-ical” Glee. It was all music, all night long on Fox tonight.

Courtesy FOX

On Idol, Alicia Keys mentored the remaining seven hopefuls on inspirational songs, this week’s theme. I like how she repeatedly stressed connection to the lyrics because I think that’s what some of these kids don’t get. They think they can wow the judges by hitting high notes and with awesome guitar riffs but great singing for me has always been about the emotion behind the words. Bruce Springsteen may not be a technically perfect singer but man, when he sings about the working-class guy who dreams of bigger things beyond his small-town roots, his voice aches as if he’s pouring his guts out right onto the stage.

First up is Casey James. I like this dude; he’s cool, has a rocker’s voice and can really play the guitar. And I disagree with Simon that Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” isn’t inspirational. It was the first song I heard on the radio after 9/11 and it made me weep. (“If you wake up and don’t want to smile/If it takes just a little while/Open your eyes and look at the day/You’ll see things in a different way/Don’t stop/Thinking about tomorrow/Don’t stop/It’ll soon be here…”) But I do agree Casey isn’t pushing himself and is showing us the same thing every week. He’s a competent performer but at this point needs to blow us away. Nerd verdict: Should be “Causing a Commotion,” not playing it safe.

Lee Dewyze went next with Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer.” I think the judges overpraised him. His voice has a built-in roughness that served him well on a song about a poor boy but the connection wasn’t all the way there. When he sang, “He cried out in his anger and his shame,” I felt neither. Lee was earnest, but not quite truthful. Nerd verdict: He needs to go “Deeper and Deeper.”

Tim Urban performed the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Better Days.” He’s definitely improving but I’ll have better days when he’s no longer on the show. Nerd verdict: “Borderline.”

Aaron Kelly followed Tim with R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly.” He’s a child so I don’t want to be too hard on him. I’ll just issue my Nerd verdict: “Take a Bow,” then pack your bags.

Siobhan Magnus was fifth, singing “When You Believe,” a duet between Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. The girl’s got nuts picking that song! And surprisingly, I liked it, butterfly outfit and all (she looked like a wood nymph). She had nice control, especially in the beginning. Her signature high note wasn’t annoying this time because she didn’t scream it. But while I enjoy seeing her come out with a different look and style each week, I still don’t get true emotion from her and don’t know what her musical personality is. Nerd verdict: “Who’s That Girl?”

Michael Lynche followed Siobhan with another snooze-inducing performance. His rendition of “Hero” was overwrought like all his other ones in past weeks. Even if the song had been inspirational, it was no longer by the time he hit us over the head with it. Nerd verdict: “Papa, Don’t Preach.”

Crystal Bowersox closed the show with “People Get Ready.” I already had goosebumps in anticipation because that song always rips me up. Then Crystal blew it sky high. It was like she was performing at the Grammys while everyone else was doing their high school talent show. I was half expecting Jeff Beck to come out and back her up. Then she cried, and I felt a lump in my chest. The competition is over. Just crown her now and everybody can start rehearsing for the tour. Nerd verdict: A “True Blue” star.

Photo by Art Streiber

After the uninspired Idol (except for Crystal), the fun kicked into gear with Glee. The Madonna songs took me back to when I was in school and I found myself singing along loudly to the whole show.

[SPOILERS]

We find out Sue has long idolized Madonna and wants her Cheerios to do routines to the singer’s music. The “Ray of Light” routine was one of my favorite numbers. Performers on stilts were swinging cheerleaders around by their legs! It was like when you were a kid and your dad swung you around like that. Remember how great that felt?

When Will saw this routine, he decided the glee club’s assignment would also be to put together a performance to a Madonna song. Rachel and Finn did a surprisingly successful mash-up of “Borderline” and “Open Your Heart,” feeling a little something for each other in the process but Rachel’s still seeing Jesse St. James, who decided to quit Vocal Adrenaline and move in with his uncle so he can attend McKinley High and be with Rachel.

As Madonna fever spreads, everyone at McKinley seems to want to lose their virginity: Emma with Will, Finn with Santana (well, she suggested it), and Rachel with Jesse. This resulted in “Like a Virgin” being sung by all six characters in a montage cutting back and forth between their respective bedrooms. I’ve heard this song a million times and there was nothing virginal about it even the first time I heard it. But having it sung by virgins on the show made it sensual for me. It gave the song an innocence Madonna never had.

But the showstopper for me was the group performance of “Like a Prayer” at the end. In music (and life), there are certain notes that will make you cry when you hear them. It’s different for everyone and most of us don’t even know what they are. During the “Prayer” number, the gang hit those notes for me and it was a little like finding religion.

Nerd verdict: Got me Into the Groove

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Movie Review: THE SECRET IN THEIR EYES

When the end credits started rolling after a screening of Argentina’s El Secreto de Sus Ojos (The Secret in Their Eyes, in limited U.S. release), I muttered to myself, “Perfection.” Oscars may be occasionally given to undeserving recipients, but this year in the best foreign film category, I think the Academy got it right. (I did, too; I predicted its win!)

The movie centers around Benjamin Esposito (Ricardo Darín), a prosecution investigator haunted by a case from 1974 in which a beautiful young woman was raped and murdered. Now retired and attempting to write a book about it, Esposito reconnects with his former boss, Irene (the resplendent Soledad Villamil), to get feedback on his manuscript and discuss past events. It becomes clear very quickly, due to close-up shots of the actors’ expressive eyes, that their feelings for each other are just as unresolved as the case. The story smoothly transitions back and forth in time to show the investigation, how the victim’s husband deals with his grief, even briefly covering the political turmoil during Argentina’s Dirty War.

The description may make the film sound like heavy drama, but it’s also a love story that’s at once palpable and restrained. I imagined director/co-writer Juan José Campanella removing pages of dialogue from the script and telling Darín and Villamil’s to just say everything with their eyes. I also laughed out loud quite a few times, thanks to Guillermo Francella, who plays Esposito’s drunk friend and colleague with a droll delivery of zingers (pay special attention whenever he answers the phone). The combination of different genres isn’t surprising when you consider Campanella’s past work (the movie was adapted from a novel by Eduardo Sacheri, who also co-wrote the script). Not only has he mastered the police procedural with multiple episodes of Law & Order: SVU, he’s also directed episodes of 30 Rock and Strangers with Candy .

Campanella did Q & A after the screening I attended, which was sponsored by Creative Screenwriting magazine. He was witty and humble, despite being a newly minted Oscar winner. His publicist kept sending notes to the moderator to wrap up but Campanella repeatedly said, “It’s okay, I’m okay,” and stayed way past his allotted time.

Some things I learned from the session:

His NYU thesis film got him a William Morris agent but he couldn’t get a job for 10 years after that.
After his first feature bombed at the box office, he returned to Argentina “to be with Mommy” and find his voice.
He initially wanted to completely cut Pablo, the role Francella played, from the movie (the audience gasped at this since Pablo is so vital to the film).
In the novel, Irene is only a colleague in Esposito’s office and not involved in the case at all. In the film, she’s not only part of the investigation, she helps him expose the killer.
The final twist is different.

Nerd verdict: Captivating Eyes

Photos by Maria Antolini, courtesy Sony Pictures Classics

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Elvis Night on Shaky Legs: AMERICAN IDOL S9 TOP 9 Perform (Again)

by Jason Matthews

Photo: FOX

We already did this group of nine, and weren’t much happy with them the first time, so let’s not waste time with a second overly wordy and witty introduction. The faster we get to the results show, the sooner we can boot out all the kids we should have kicked off last week (ahem, Tim, Andrew, and Aaron) instead of making Big Mike grovel his way into getting an unnecessary save. Hopefully, we’ll get this awful season back on track (not likely).

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Crystal Bowersox – “Saved”

Another good performance. Expert singing, fine arrangement, thoroughly enjoyable. What else is there to say about Crystal? Oh yeah, that’s right, there’s this: It was safe. When will Crystal show us something NEW? Or anything shocking, interesting, scary or mindblowing? The answer is “never.” She’s just going to be good every week. And that’s fine. After all, being just good every week worked for Kris Allen. What’s that guy doing these days, car commercials? Yeah, that’s kinda like having an impactful singing career.

Michael Lynche – “In the Ghetto”

I can’t be mad at Michael for America’s stupidity in voting him off, causing the judges to use the save on him instead of keeping it for Siobhan, who needs it way more at this point. I’d sure like to be mad, though. I still don’t fully buy his act, but I can admit he sounded great, and came from the heart. He was good; for now at least, he was worth saving.

Lee Dewyze – “A Little Less Conversation”

Lee sang well, but his rough voice wasn’t suited for such a slick-sounding rock song. For such a fun song, his alt-rock growl was not Elvis-like fun. Maybe he needed to have a big, show-stopping stage number backing him up, taking the lead on the good times. A big band or a crazy light show, even. Just him up there with his growl was good, but not good enough.

Casey James – “Lawdy, Miss Clawdy”

If someone doesn’t start paying attention, Casey James is gonna sneak his way into the finale. Which will be a crime, because he isn’t actually doing anything of merit. He gives the same performance every week, never extends himself, and never challenges his artistry. But that hair and smile and voice are keeping him under the radar. A Crystal/Casey finale will be aurally nice, but utterly boring to actually listen to.

Siobhan Magnus – “Suspicious Minds”

Loved watching Siobhan and Adam crush on each other. Loved seeing Adam step up his mentoring game for Siobhan. Loved her starting the song with her back to the audience. Loved the outfit. And that’s all I loved. Her arrangement was all over the place. Her voice was weak to start, ragged during the glory note-heavy middle, and desperate in the climax. I’m not sure if she’s second-guessing what got her here or she’s running out of game. But Siobhan is fading, and fast.

Katie Stevens – “Baby, What Do You Want Me To Do”

Katie’s performance was missing the one thing she needed the most: actual emotion. Making the “frustrated,” “sassy,” and “bitchy” faces isn’t the same thing as actually feeling those emotions. I doubt there’s been anything in her life that gave her the emotional experience to pull from. She’s so the Veruca Salt of this Top 12. I’m not exactly sure what she’s so upset about, either; didn’t they love her last week? And the week before? Why rankle them now?

Tim Urban – “Can’t Help Falling In Love”

A malevolent masterstroke to play to the tween crowd and steal votes in the face of the double elimination, but a calculated error in thinking he had the voice for this song. He couldn’t keep up the falsetto, dropping his voice out at least once per verse. And the whole thing had a bad frat-guy-with-a-soul-patch-under-a-tree feel to it. The guy’s just not good enough. Saying this was the “best Tim Urban performance ever” is like saying Dukes of Hazzard has “the best Jessica Simpson performance ever”; it’s such a back-handed compliment it’s practically a forehand!

Aaron Kelly – “Blue Suede Shoes”

Did you see the look he gave at the end of his taped segment? After he confessed to picking the wrong song and suggested he would be a total trainwreck? He stopped talking and a look of pure terror came over his face. This kid knows he doesn’t belong here. Knows he isn’t capable of being the big shoulders in this competition. Why should we vote for him if he doesn’t think himself worthy of our votes? It’s time we let the weak ones go, to send Aaron back to school. Elementary school.

Andrew Garcia – “Hound Dog”

Sure, slow down the most fun Elvis song there is. Yeah, that’s a good idea. That’ll keep you on the show another week. NOT. As boring as it is to keep saying Crystal is “good,” it’s even more boring to continue to say how much Andrew misses the point. In the face of Adam TELLING him he was boring, he chose to be MORE boring. In the face of Simon saying he has no personality, Andrew chose to show LESS personality. Maybe if we predict he’ll stay on the show, Andrew will choose to leave?

At this point, which two Idolists do you want to see in the finals? Let us know in the comments.

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