Golden Globes 2012 Fashion Roundup

The red carpet arrivals started at 3 p.m. PST, and I thought I’d watch this live, too. Mr. PCN came in after a while and watched with me, and I think it’s clear his observations were much more astute than mine. (My recap of the awards show is here.)

3:06 Kelly Osbourne, one of the commentators, says that from where she’s sitting, she could literally reach out and touch the stars as they get out of their limos. She couldn’t, ergo she doesn’t know what “literally” means. I want to punch myself in the head whenever someone misuses that word.

3:13 Claire Danes looks great. Her black and white gown is so…interesting. Ooh, the back is really cool!

3:15 Jessica Chastain‘s hair looks dull, not its usual vibrant red. The white Givenchy dress washes her out, too. Since her complexion is so pale, she needs more color, not less.

3:16 OMG, UGGIE IN A BOWTIE STANDING UP ON HIS HIND LEGS FOR THE PAPARAZZI! Best moment on the carpet so far.

3:24 Sarah Michelle Gellar just showed up. Her I Dream of Jeannie ponytail is cute, but Mr. PCN says her dress looks like a tie-dyed tent. Her two-year-old picked it out, which explains it. It’s not horrible, just…messy.

3:29 Paula Patton looks radiant in sunflower yellow. Best accessory? Her big smile. Almost everyone else looks stuck-up, pissed-off, or constipated, but she looks like she’s having a blast!

3:32 Kelly Osbourne has no idea what “monochromatic” means, either, since she used the word to describe Claire Danes’s dress, which has two colors: black and white. She’s making me reach for migraine meds.

3:33 Shailene Woodley looks too matronly. Her Marchesa dress is lovely…for a much older woman. Her hair in that bun is not helping. You’re 19, Shailene! Everyone else is trying to look your age; you should, too.  

3:39 Sofia Vergara usually pops in vibrant color, but she’s wearing a subdued blue Vera Wang tonight, which is kind of boring, especially since it’s the kind of mermaid/body-hugging silhouette she usually wears. Mr. PCN remarks that when she poses with her back to the photogs, she’s basically saying, “Look at my ass!”

3:42 Octavia Spencer looks lovely in lavender. This is a great color on her.

3:45 Freida Pinto is a gorgeous woman, but the blue poofy textured dress makes her look twice her size. Mr. PCN: “It looks like painted elephant skin.”

3:47 Julie Bowen is Old Hollywood classy, so beautiful in her Reem Acra dress. Her ’40s-style hair perfectly complements the gown.

3:50 Who knew Rooney Mara had dimples? Adorable. I’ve never seen her smile (well, she’s not smiling in this photo, only when she was talking to Ryan Seacrest). Her dress is a little predictable, and it looks too big on her. She’s worn edgier ones on her international promotional tour for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

3:54 The Deschanel sisters, Emily and Zooey, are posing together. They’re cute, but their dresses are bad. Emily’s is ill-fitting, and Zooey’s is just not attractive. Not feeling Z’s sideburns, but she has tuxedo nails! Best thing about her outfit, bar none.

3:56 Charlize Theron looks like a sexy fairytale princess, with her sparkly headband and plunging pink Dior gown. None of this would look good on me, but I find it striking on her.

4:01 My first wow moment: Angelina Jolie. White satin Atelier Versace dress that fits like second skin and the red accents and hair and red lips = perfection. No one will be able to top this.

4:10 Evan Rachel Wood looks like she killed a bunch of crows and glued their feathers to the bottom of her dress.

4:13 Mr. PCN says Salma Hayek is wearing the top of the Transamerica Building on her chest. I don’t have a better description. That’s not to say I didn’t like it. It’s unusual, and I like it when stars go for something different.

4:25 Michelle Williams has perfect posture as usual, and she’s more adorable than puppies, but her dress is unfortunate. It looks like drapes at a bed and breakfast. Headbands must be the new trend. Don’t think I’m on board.

4:31 Nicole Kidman‘s dress is an architectural wonder. Impressive, lots going on, but it works. It gets the most unique award.

4:32 I never realized Reese Witherspoon was so, ah, busty. Her loose hair and the big grin indicate she and the girls are ready to party!

4:37 Dianna Agron says her dress is laser cut swans, but Mr. PCN says she’s just wearing red doilies from head to toe.

4:38 Mr. PCN: “If you make Lea Michele‘s dress green, she’s Poison Ivy in Batman & Robin.” That’s it, exactly!

So, the best dress goes to Angelina Jolie, with Charlize Theron in second. Honorable mention goes to someone whose outfit wasn’t featured in the E! coverage, but who deserves kudos for being in a class of her own. Tilda Swinton sometimes confuses me with her style statements, but I think this one is stunning.

Whose gowns did you love? Who did you think must have gotten dressed while drunk?

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    Janet Rudolph
    January 16, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Great review, of course, and I agree with you on just about all the gowns. Word usage by announcers and others is just wrong!

  • Reply
    Jann
    January 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I’m so glad you review shows like this so I can avoid watching them and just get the pertinent parts…the dresses. Angelina did look stunning, but I hate the way her tatoo clashes with the dress.

  • Reply
    jenn aka the picky girl
    January 16, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Angelina – wow! She looks incredibly stunning. Salma is in second for me. I love that sort of tribal look. The others were misses for me. Nicole Kidman – could she look any more like a vampire? Not a fan.

    Love the rundown, especially since I don’t get to see these shows!

  • Reply
    le0pard13
    January 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

    More Paula Patton! :-). Thanks, Elyse.

  • Reply
    Poncho
    January 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Angelina Jolie looked fantastic. Definitely the best dress. I also really liked Claire Danes (I got a huge crush on her since -like- ever).

  • Reply
    Laura Benedict
    January 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Love this coverage, Elyse. I fear I’m the only one who couldn’t bear Charlize Theron’s dress. It was pretty, yes, but it had so much going on: the plunge, the slit, the big bow-y thing. It did provide an all-over princess effect, but I thought it was–I don’t know–odd, like she was auditioning for Toddlers and Tiaras: Gen X. Angelina Jolie, the woman I love to hate. I would have loved the whole thing had it not been for the matchy purse.

    Tilda was Amazing! As always, so distinctive.

    Two big WTFs: Emily D?! What was that blue bathrobe thing? Did she buy it off the back page of Parade Magazine? And Meryl, my heart, were you thinking you were going to the Housewife Rodeo of Stars? I know that being on the royalty A+ list means that subtlety should, but dowdy is never pretty. Tsk. Tsk.

    Thanks for the round-ups. I never watch awards shows, but the gown coverage–that’s something to live for!

  • Reply
    Pop Culture Nerd
    January 16, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Janet—Kelly’s co-commentator, Ross, had a voice that sounded like he was on helium. How did these two get their jobs?

    Jann—I don’t like her tats, either, but thought even they couldn’t take away from how gorgeous she looked.

    jenn—Interesting that you thought Salma looks tribal. I read it was supposed to be Art Deco. But it’s Salma so she’d look good in a shower curtain.

    le0—Heh heh. You have good taste.

    Poncho—I’m not her biggest fan but I think Claire usually looks amazing on the red carpet.

    Laura—Your comments made me laugh! Charlize’s dress would’ve looked like a nightmare on me ’cause I can’t pull off giant bows and plunging necklines, but I thought somehow it worked on her. Guess that’s the benefit of being a skinny Amazon.

  • Reply
    Shell Sherree
    January 16, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    If they screened the Golden Globes here, I think they tried to hide them!! I had no luck, so maybe only on cable. I’m giving my fashion vote to Uggie. He gets all my votes for everything.

    • Reply
      Pop Culture Nerd
      January 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

      I endorse your plan of stuffing the box for Uggie.

  • Reply
    Tea Time with Marce
    January 18, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Paula in the yellow looks stunning to me. Charlize looks great but I don’t like the dress. The D sisters and Freida look a hot mess. Angelina can do no wrong. Salma’s dress is weird but worked for me. Lea’s dress is a costume, ridiculous. I hated Diana A’s dress, omg terrible, thank goodness she looks good in red.

    • Reply
      Pop Culture Nerd
      January 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

      I think we agree on everything!

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