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AMERICAN IDOL Top 6: You’re Still (Not) The One

After a week off to rest, recuperate and actively avoid the awful monolith that is Idol Gives Back, I return to find that nothing has changed, the season is still boring, Randy is still useless, Ellen is still unfunny, Simon is still bored out of his mind and Ryan is still trying too hard to make everyone happy (classic Seacrest!). We are in the death throes of a harpooned TV whale, slowly sinking to the bottom of the pop culture sea. If there is any karma in this world, you can bet Paula Abdul is that harpoon. Let’s go ahead and put the once majestic mammal out of its misery.

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Photo: FOX

Casey James – “Don’t”

Ooh, I do love to see the mentor sing along with the Idolist. Shania and Casey would make a dream performance in Hair Heaven. Just locks and locks for days. Casey was great tonight. Nice voice, beautiful control, smooth vocal. Good choice of stool. He sounded so good he could make this a radio hit tomorrow. Shania loved the performance. I, however, love Casey’s secret double chin and super girl face more.

Crystal Bowersox – “No One Needs to Know”

Either the producers told her to take a dive this week to make the next month appear 2% less completely predictable, or the judges huddled up before the show and picked Crystal out of a hat as the Idol to roundly hate on for no good reason. Was Crystal just all right? Yes. Was the song sort of lounge-y and lullaby-ish? Yes. But it wasn’t BAD. And the judges don’t need to uniformly agree not to LIKE her this week. What kind of gross collusion is that? Just let the hippie win already!

Lee DeWyze – “You’re Still the One”

Lee was the right Idolist to get the BIG Shania hit; he just didn’t do anything special with it. Crystal would have killed it. Like, whoa. Siobhan would have been too karaoke. Aaron would have been a joke. Big Mike would have dripped cornball juice on it. And Casey didn’t need the recognition juice from the song. This was the chance for Lee to write his ticket to the Top 3 and he biffed it with note-perfect mediocrity. Limp opening, serviceable middle, bland alt-rock ending. I wish Shania had sat him down and showed him the Kris Allen “Heartless” performance as a lesson on how to white-guy reevaluate and rock a hit. Instead, we got something forgettable. May I make a bad joke? Lee is still the (bland) one.

Michael Lynche – “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing”

My Idol break did nothing to make Mike seem less corny. If anything, it’s worse. He certainly FEELS the song, which is all well and good, but his “sincerity” just comes off as totes cheeser balls. Nice falsetto at the end, though. While I’m here, it was nice to see Shania love Big Mike so much, always a joy to see the mentor enjoy their time. I did notice one thing, though. I was watching Shania gesticulate with Mike and it appeared to me as if…well, does Shania Twain have…frists?

Siobhan Magnus – “Any Man of Mine”

Boots? Love. All the stage roaming? Hate. Dudechickbro, just chill the hell out at the mic stand and sing. The movement is slowing her already tortoise-fast voice and the music is practically lapping her. And she gets no points for the glory note, because it was pandering. It was begging for votes. David Cook never begged. Carrie Underwood never begged. Taylor Hicks didn’t even beg. Because the first moment you beg is the first moment you start losing.

Aaron Kelly – “You’ve Got a Way”

Very cute watching Shania go into instant Mama-Bear mode the moment Aaron started to struggle. She looked liked she might try to adopt him right there. He could do worse for a stage mom. OK, let’s get real for a hot moment: This teen talent show shenanigan has gone on far too long. A nice Archuleta voice is fine and dandy, but Top 5 on American Idol? I don’t think so. No power or second level to his voice. No grit. No life experience. Just admirable determination and want. Which isn’t good enough to make it to May.

Is it time for Aaron to go back to school? Or will Siobhan give birth on stage to her Idol doom? Let me know in the comments.

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AMERICAN IDOL & GLEE Mash-up Review

Our esteemed American Idol critic, Jason Matthews, is unavailable this week so I’m doing a mash-up review of Idol and the “Madge-ical” Glee. It was all music, all night long on Fox tonight.

Courtesy FOX

On Idol, Alicia Keys mentored the remaining seven hopefuls on inspirational songs, this week’s theme. I like how she repeatedly stressed connection to the lyrics because I think that’s what some of these kids don’t get. They think they can wow the judges by hitting high notes and with awesome guitar riffs but great singing for me has always been about the emotion behind the words. Bruce Springsteen may not be a technically perfect singer but man, when he sings about the working-class guy who dreams of bigger things beyond his small-town roots, his voice aches as if he’s pouring his guts out right onto the stage.

First up is Casey James. I like this dude; he’s cool, has a rocker’s voice and can really play the guitar. And I disagree with Simon that Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” isn’t inspirational. It was the first song I heard on the radio after 9/11 and it made me weep. (“If you wake up and don’t want to smile/If it takes just a little while/Open your eyes and look at the day/You’ll see things in a different way/Don’t stop/Thinking about tomorrow/Don’t stop/It’ll soon be here…”) But I do agree Casey isn’t pushing himself and is showing us the same thing every week. He’s a competent performer but at this point needs to blow us away. Nerd verdict: Should be “Causing a Commotion,” not playing it safe.

Lee Dewyze went next with Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer.” I think the judges overpraised him. His voice has a built-in roughness that served him well on a song about a poor boy but the connection wasn’t all the way there. When he sang, “He cried out in his anger and his shame,” I felt neither. Lee was earnest, but not quite truthful. Nerd verdict: He needs to go “Deeper and Deeper.”

Tim Urban performed the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Better Days.” He’s definitely improving but I’ll have better days when he’s no longer on the show. Nerd verdict: “Borderline.”

Aaron Kelly followed Tim with R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly.” He’s a child so I don’t want to be too hard on him. I’ll just issue my Nerd verdict: “Take a Bow,” then pack your bags.

Siobhan Magnus was fifth, singing “When You Believe,” a duet between Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. The girl’s got nuts picking that song! And surprisingly, I liked it, butterfly outfit and all (she looked like a wood nymph). She had nice control, especially in the beginning. Her signature high note wasn’t annoying this time because she didn’t scream it. But while I enjoy seeing her come out with a different look and style each week, I still don’t get true emotion from her and don’t know what her musical personality is. Nerd verdict: “Who’s That Girl?”

Michael Lynche followed Siobhan with another snooze-inducing performance. His rendition of “Hero” was overwrought like all his other ones in past weeks. Even if the song had been inspirational, it was no longer by the time he hit us over the head with it. Nerd verdict: “Papa, Don’t Preach.”

Crystal Bowersox closed the show with “People Get Ready.” I already had goosebumps in anticipation because that song always rips me up. Then Crystal blew it sky high. It was like she was performing at the Grammys while everyone else was doing their high school talent show. I was half expecting Jeff Beck to come out and back her up. Then she cried, and I felt a lump in my chest. The competition is over. Just crown her now and everybody can start rehearsing for the tour. Nerd verdict: A “True Blue” star.

Photo by Art Streiber

After the uninspired Idol (except for Crystal), the fun kicked into gear with Glee. The Madonna songs took me back to when I was in school and I found myself singing along loudly to the whole show.

[SPOILERS]

We find out Sue has long idolized Madonna and wants her Cheerios to do routines to the singer’s music. The “Ray of Light” routine was one of my favorite numbers. Performers on stilts were swinging cheerleaders around by their legs! It was like when you were a kid and your dad swung you around like that. Remember how great that felt?

When Will saw this routine, he decided the glee club’s assignment would also be to put together a performance to a Madonna song. Rachel and Finn did a surprisingly successful mash-up of “Borderline” and “Open Your Heart,” feeling a little something for each other in the process but Rachel’s still seeing Jesse St. James, who decided to quit Vocal Adrenaline and move in with his uncle so he can attend McKinley High and be with Rachel.

As Madonna fever spreads, everyone at McKinley seems to want to lose their virginity: Emma with Will, Finn with Santana (well, she suggested it), and Rachel with Jesse. This resulted in “Like a Virgin” being sung by all six characters in a montage cutting back and forth between their respective bedrooms. I’ve heard this song a million times and there was nothing virginal about it even the first time I heard it. But having it sung by virgins on the show made it sensual for me. It gave the song an innocence Madonna never had.

But the showstopper for me was the group performance of “Like a Prayer” at the end. In music (and life), there are certain notes that will make you cry when you hear them. It’s different for everyone and most of us don’t even know what they are. During the “Prayer” number, the gang hit those notes for me and it was a little like finding religion.

Nerd verdict: Got me Into the Groove

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Hello Again, GLEE

Photo: FOX

Who’s happy Glee is back?! I didn’t realize until the show was over that I was smiling the whole time, especially after Sue’s “Vogue” video at the end. More on that later.

In the spirit of Finn’s “previously on…” speed-through at the beginning, here’s my recap of last night’s ep: [SPOILERS]

The New Directions’ assignment was to find a song with “hello” in it to re-introduce themselves to everyone; Finn (Cory Monteith) has doubts about dating Rachel (Lea Michele), who then hooks up with Vocal Adrenaline’s Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) but tells everyone in glee club they’re not dating; Emma (Jayma Mays) tells Will (Matthew Morrison) she’s a virgin and that he needs to spend some time alone before they jump into a relationship; Will makes out with Vocal Adrenaline’s coach, Ms. Corcoran (Idina Menzel); Finn wants Rachel back and says he’ll fight for her; the gang ends the show with a performance of the Beatles’ “Hello, Goodbye.”

So, how cool was it to discover Emma is still a virgin? I can’t remember the last time we had a prime-time TV character in her late 20s/early 30s who’s still saving herself. I didn’t want Emma and Will to jump in the sack right away so that was a nice surprise. What wasn’t surprising was Will’s freak-out and then make-out with Ms. Corcoran, but Menzel looks so much like Michele, it felt a bit like Will was kissing Rachel. Hmm…a Freudian thing?

Groff makes a great addition to the cast; Michele finally has a worthy duet partner in her former Spring Awakening co-star. I usually start twitching and developing a rash whenever I hear Lionel Richie’s “Hello,” but when Jesse and Rachel sang it, I got goosebumps. Too bad he’s a sleazebag, based on that creepy way he was looking at Ms. Corcoran while kissing Rachel.

Speaking of sleazy, can’t believe Sue roofied Principal Figgins and blackmailed her way back to McKinley High! But of course, Glee would be nothing without her making inappropriate comments about Will’s hair and scheming to destroy the New Directions. We also wouldn’t have that “Vogue” video. I was stunned by how pretty she looked in the sleek Veronica-Lake bob and how well Lynch sang. My appetite is now fully whetted for next week’s Madonna extravaganza.

What did you think of this episode? Favorite moments? Was it worth the wait or just meh for you?

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All You Need Is IDOL: Season 9 Top 9 Review

by Jason Matthews

Lennon/McCartney was hard to swallow two years ago when the group was super strong, and it doesn’t go down much more easily now, with a lesser cast of Idols. Watching Tim, Andrew, and Aaron fumble their way through the defining music of the 20^th century does not good television make.

But hey, at least we got to learn new things about our Idol wannabes. Wait, no we didn’t. Oh, is Crystal a mom? Does Tim smile a lot? Casey has hair! Katie is a teenager! Siobhan is “unique”! Wow. Shocking tidbits, those. I would have rather learned important things like: why Andrew got a neck tattoo, whether Siobhan ate paint chips as a child, if Aaron has ever seen an R-Rated movie, and if Lee and Andrew are the real-life Troy and Abed. But alas, those facts continue to go unrevealed.

Here are reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Courtesy FOX

Lee Dewyze – “Hey Jude”

Has Lee always been doing that David Cook super-fast-vocal-raise-from-the-side-of-the-mouth thing? How did I JUST notice this? No wonder Lee is doing so well on the show. And the show does love him. Not only did they give him the coveted anchor spot, they gave him the most recognizable song, a bagpiper and a crowd-pleasing “sing it with me” moment (always good for a voting boost). That wasn’t an Idol performance, it was a darn rock show! And it easily wins the night.

Siobhan Magnus – “Across the Universe”

This is tough for me because my all-time favorite crazy person singer, Fiona Apple, did a ridiculously beautiful cover of this song (with an equally amazing music video where she sings on a platform that rotates her 360 degrees while people destroy a coffee shop around her. It’s awesome, seriously, YouTube it NOW!), and the difference between Fiona and Siobhan is basically invisible (’cause you can’t measure crazy), so I’m partial to my favorite Shadowboxer. BUT, Siobhan was captivating, beautiful, controlled and riveting. She took a HUGE chance not screaming her glory note, but that’s the beauty of her—she has no fear. She takes the risks. And it’s what going to vault her past Crystal in the end.

Katie Stevens – “Let It Be”

As pretty as she’s ever looked. As precocious and steely in her Ryan interview as she’s ever been. And she absolutely gets points for nailing the “Single Ladies” dance. This was a good night for Katie. She’s going to get major votes simply for the song choice, but she actually delivered a very worthy, star-like performance. We’re about two weeks from making her the Dark Horse favorite to win this whole thing.

Crystal Bowersox – “Come Together”

Here’s the problem with Crystal: She’s never going to transcend the stage she’s on, the way Adam Lambert, David Cook, and Fantasia did. She’s always going to deliver a rollicking, fun set. She’s solid, but there’s no second level. “Come Together” is a lay up for her. Of course she’s going to nail it! But where’s the daring? Where’s the ambition in it? I’d rather watch Siobhan go crazy with the screaming, risk failure and be a roll of the dice between brilliant and awful, then sit through a billion same safe songs from Crystal. Because safe is what we expect, but brilliant is what we hope for.

Michael Lynche – “Eleanor Rigby”

Big Mike is the Tyler Perry of American Idol, not nearly as fun or enjoyable as the trailers would lead you to believe, lots of bluster only to be revealed as scarily soulless. And worse yet, like Tyler, Mike has the platform to do something and actively chooses not to use it! He could be redefining R&B for the masses, showing that adding some rock and country to it is OK. But he instead chooses to pander for votes with his Peebo Bryson, “preach it” shenanigans. Maybe he is a good singer, but I can’t get past his utter fakeness.

Casey James – “Jealous Guy”

This show can be grossly manipulative sometimes (read: “all the time”). Watching Casey’s boring, slow, not at ALL authentic ballad, I knew the judges were going to trip over themselves to call it brilliant. To say he was brave to use an acoustic guitar! To commend his control and command! Because he has that face, and that hair and the show needs him bad, they were gonna give him a pass. It’s a fraud, and I’m not gonna stand for it. I’m not giving him a pass. He is less interesting by the week, relies too heavily on his guitar, and hides behind his look. It’s a joke. It’s a decoy. And it’s going to get better artists sent home early. I think I may hate Casey James.

Aaron “Yoda” Kelly – “The Long and Winding Road”

Charisma, stage presence? An American Idol needs not these things. Country, he makes the Beatles. Sleepy, he makes me. Solid performance? Maybe. Assured vocal? Yes. But I sense much bottom 3 in him.

Andrew Garcia – “Can’t Buy Me Love”

Being the Latin Buddy Holly, as Andrew attempted to pull off tonight, isn’t a bad idea. In fact, it’s the road he should have tread weeks ago, but someone should tell him this very important point: big hair does not equal big personality. It just makes you look doofy, and not in the “fun” way the incessant and obnoxious video package wants us to believe. And it doesn’t fix his bigger problem: he’s not any good! You can be completely devoid of personality and still run the Idol table, so long as you have the skill (see: Underwood, Carrie). But you have to have the skills. Andrew doesn’t.

Tim Urban – “All My Loving”

If Simon is gonna wave him through, content to let a Haircut Idol crap on the legacy of the show he built with his two furry hands, content to let DIDI go home over an idiot with a sparkly smile, then why should I bother reviewing him? You know what he did up there; he was a C- vocal with an A+ look. Whatever. He’ll be back next week.

What did you think of Beatles night? Can anyone make a Beatles song their own?

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Party in the US AI: AMERICAN IDOL Season 9 Top 11 Perform

by Jason Matthews

When Simon leaves Idol at the end of the season, can Miley Cyrus take his place? She makes the show SO fun. She’s just as bitchy, just as divisive, and just as deliciously awesome as our grumpy British boss. Let’s be real: in the history of things, “Miley Cyrus” is a perfect idea. A 17-year old trapped with an 80-year-old cigarette smoker’s voice. Brimming with sexuality, but only able to take it so far cause of the Disney thing. (She will simulate sex in the first video she shoots after her contract expires. Count on it.) A secretly horrible voice, making the catchiest jams of this decade? There’s no one better than Miley.

Who didn’t love Miley? Telling Crystal how to sing better? Trying not to molest Tim? Not hiding her hate of Andrew? Dorking out with Siobhan? And acting out in the best and grossest ways in the audience? Everyone loved it. The performances tonight were uniformly abysmal, but it was still the best episode of the season, for obvious Cyrus-related reasons.

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Siobhan Magnus – “Superstition”

How can you not love the mutual coofest that was Siobhan and Miley? Did you see how with Siobhan, Miley desperately wanted to seem cool to her, whereas with Katie, she thought she was too cool for school? And Siobhan with her full-on, no-shame admittance of her love of Miley? It’s too great! Can we have more of them smiling at each other with their beautiful girl crushes, please? Don’t we all just want two hours of Siobhan dorking out with Hannah Montana, interspersed with her looking superfly and glory-screeching through Stevie Wonder hits? Isn’t that what happiness looks like?

Casey James – “Power Of Love”

Ooh, dicey call, not kissing the Miley ring. Her evil eyes during the mentor rehearsal should have clued Casey in that maybe a tip of the hat to “The Climb” would have been a better way to go. But for the rest of us, singing “Power of Love” is all the ring kissing we need. One of the best pop songs of the last 30 years, instantly making us nostalgic for Back to the Future, Casey could have burped this song and I still would have loved it. Helps that he delivered a solid vocal, nice stage presentation, and a super fun arrangement. Can Casey sing Huey every week?

Didi Benami – “You’re No Good”

That performance should carry a NSFW label. It was hot! Maybe it was a bit screechy, but I’ll take her pseudo-sultriness and saucy mean-face growl-singing over the cornball hairspray nonsense of Tim Urban, or the soulless yipping of Andrew Garcia any day of the week and twice on Sunday. At least she was taking a risk, playing outside her comfort zone. Trying! Big points for our girl Didi tonight, no matter what the cranky judges thought.

Aaron Kelly – “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”

His best performance, and it wasn’t even close. And by that I mean I stayed awake through it. Dug the dramatic blue light walk to the mic, the slow intro and the first chorus. Can’t tell you about the rest, though, cause I zoned out and didn’t come back in ’til Randy started yo’ing at me. But hey, Aaron was legitimately riveting for a good thirty-five seconds. That’s progress!

Katie Stevens – “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

Were we watching Miley mentor Katie, or a scene from Mean Girls 2? Miley’s non-advice, her looks of “Bitch, don’t you DARE think you’re gonna be where I am,” her insincere well wishes? Classic bitch work, Miley. Really great stuff! Katie could have really used her help, too. You could tell from the first note Katie didn’t believe she could pull it off. She was stiff, stilted and out of rhythm. Fergie gets that song done by oozing sensuality; Katie isn’t old enough to know what that is. Miley fakes it, and knows how, but darn if she was gonna teach Katie how to do it. Poor Katie…

Crystal Bowersox – “Me and Bobby McGee”

I could stare at Miley’s stunned reaction to Crystal all day long; I want it as my screen saver. How cool was Crystal to include Miley in her collection of female singer autographs on her guitar (when Miley CLEARLY doesn’t deserve having her name associated with a talent like B-Sox)? Doesn’t even matter that it was her coolest moment in the show (as her actual performance was quite subpar). Crystal may be treading water, or even losing momentum, but she’s gaining fans and that’s way more important for her post-Idol career.

Michael Lynche – “When A Man Loves A Woman”

Mike created some love tonight! Ellen was making out with Ryan’s hands, Miley was so sprung on Big Mike, Jungle Fever balloons were popping all around her crazy precocious head, and Kara was working overtime to produce more fake tears. But how was the performance? He sang just fine, looked fine; it was fine. Manipulative like whoa, as is his M.O., but fine all the same. It’s funny when Kara calls Mike over-indulgent when that is his sole reason for being on the show! It’s like calling Crystal a hippie; no need to restate facts about things, judges.

Lee Dewyze – “The Letter”

One thing’s for sure: Michael Bublé has nothing to worry about. Simon was right—that was a magnificently poor song choice. Why Lee thought he could croon on stage and not look like a buffoon is anyone’s guess. He should never move away from rock music. It fits his voice the best and hides all his weaknesses (did you notice how badly he was scraping his lower register?). He’s not Danny Gokey; he shouldn’t perform like him.

Tim Urban – “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”

It’s always fun when the female mentors invent reasons to touch the male contestants. Miley was throwing her raccoon eyes and Florida Grandma face all over Tim’s business. Thankfully (or maybe not), he survived long enough to deliver a super karaoke performance, whose only saving grace was his hot blue-gray blazer. Everything else was corny. Also? When a contestant jumps into the crowd, that’s a sure sign of desperation. He should write Paige a thank-you note for gifting him a place on the Idol tour.

Andrew Garcia – “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”

When you can’t impress Miley Cyrus, who is still knee-deep in her “SHINY!” phase, how can you expect to impress America? Answer: You can’t. Talk-singing isn’t going to do it. A voice flatter than Ellen’s jokes? That’s not it. Corny arrangement, clunky dance moves and an amateur presentation? Boring our poor Miley in the audience (AGAIN)? Nope! It’s safe to say Andrew failed to impress this week.

Paige Miles – “Against All Odds”

Paige must have summer plans ’cause I have never seen someone try so actively to get kicked off American Idol. Everything was bad. E-ver-y-thing. Shaky opening, low-energy start on the steps, random wandering on the stage. Did she fire her tone? Wow, that was so, so bad. Miley was right; it was a Pitch Party in the USA.

Should Miley mentor the Idols every week? Would you buy a Miley/Siobhan duets CD? These were obviously rhetorical questions, but let’s talk Idol in the comments!

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BREAKING BAD: “No Mas” Review

This review was written by contributing writer Ethan Ogilby, who’s pretty badass himself. The post contains spoilers.––PCN

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“You either run from things, or you face them,” Jesse (Aaron Paul) tells Walt (Bryan Cranston) in the Season 3 premiere of Breaking Bad, unwittingly nailing Walt’s current shortcoming. While Walt may be ready to choose family over meth dealing, at least for today, he’s far from ready to face anything or anyone. Despite the glimpses of his solitary self-loathing, Walt never makes any sort of acknowledgment of his wrongs. He thinks that getting out of the meth game should fix everything, but in this episode he learns (even if he refuses to accept it) how far from the truth that notion is.

In the premiere, Walt has entered even more severe stages of justification and denial, and though his meth obsession has led to him likely losing his family, he’s still not quite capable of really leveling with Skyler (Anna Gunn). He admits he has manufactured drugs, but he doesn’t get near an apology and is indignant when Skyler hands him divorce papers. Walt has hidden the truth from Skyler for so long that he thinks revealing the basics to her should be enough for her to forgive him, but he can’t even understand that their problems run much deeper than the logistics of his actions. On top of that, when Skylar first accuses him of being a drug dealer, he briefly denies it, even though he probably had no other story to explain anything because lying to her has become so ingrained in him.

Walt also has to find a way to ignore the guilt of more blood on his hands than ever before. Even if the crash was due to butterfly-effect-type circumstances, Walt can piece together, just as Jesse does, that whoever was at fault for Jane’s death (undeniably Walt, though Jesse has no idea) is ultimately responsible.

But Walt is running away from this tragedy just as quickly, whether it’s by making painful assembly speeches about moving on (though the logic seemed a bit strained that Walt would be asked to say something, even if the payoff worked well) or by trying to convince Jesse that the crash was due to a mechanical problem and lack of government oversight. Walt knows he’s done wrong, but he wants so desperately to believe otherwise that he’ll try and sell his fantasy to anyone who will listen. And so, we wonder, if these catastrophic circumstances can’t snap Walt into reality, what can?

Well, probably more gangsters. Now, over the fantastic final episodes of Season 2, Vince Gilligan and Co. earned my trust, deftly intersecting their various story lines into a gripping, crazy, and even poetic finale. The rise in the show’s quality coincided with the elimination of over-the-top, cartoonish drug dealers, Tuco (Raymond Cruz) being the worst offender. Maybe I’ve just been spoiled by The Wire, but all the supposed “thugs” in Breaking Bad didn’t convince me they were serious villains. I’m holding out hope that these new silent cousins match the realism of the rest of the show’s current state, but if their shooting rampage and Nic-Cage-movie-style walkaway from the exploding truck are any indication, perhaps I should prepare myself for more cringe-inducing bad guys.

Initially, I sort of had the same hesitation about Jesse, who has turned into the best non-Walt element of the show. While Jesse didn’t dominate the screen today (not that I expected him to) we did get some excellent scenes with him, as well as some solid, seemingly permanent character development. The campfire scene in particular really resonated, when the audience was as blindsided as Jesse to find that this seemingly by-the-book square running the discussion had actually done something as unforgivable as anyone there, we could believe that such a revelation might be a wake-up call for Jesse.

Unfortunately, in classic, tragic Breaking Bad fashion, Jesse doesn’t come to the conclusion he probably should have and instead embraces his criminal persona. Even if he’ll refrain from using drugs himself, it was sad because once again we find Jesse, who is at heart more moral than Walt, falling victim to circumstance and taking the easy way out.

Which leads us to both of our main characters getting about halfway to where they need to be, then abandoning the course. Walt agrees to some facts, but he’s not getting at the truth, certainly not about himself. And while Jesse more or less makes peace with what happened, it’s only because he seems ready to carry the blame of Jane’s death with him indefinitely. With the pair now at least temporarily living together, it’s probably only a matter of time before their self-hatred boils over into more bad decisions.

What did you think of the premiere? Think it’s heading in the right direction?

All photos courtesy AMC

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AMERICAN IDOL Season 9: Top 12 (S)Tumbling the Dice on Stones Night

by Jason Matthews

No more fooling around; it’s time to pick our next American Idol. For better or worse (we miss you, Katelyn! Smell ya later, Lilly!), this is our Top 12 and we have to crown one of them. The first impression one gets with this group is how vast the gap is between the talented and untalented. Crystal, Siobhan, Lee, Casey, Didi and Big Mike are so clearly the Top 6 that the next month and a half is mostly just an exercise in patience. A waiting game, while the also-rans get their moment to shine. So let’s all hold our breath for a while, revel in Simon and Ryan’s delicious man love banter, and continue to ignore Randy (and, increasingly, Ellen), and just wait it out ’til the real game begins.

Reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Siobhan Magnus – “Paint It Black”

Adam Lambert just switched teams. Siobhan has never looked better, like a goth wet dream mixed with ’80s Madonna as envisioned by a Pretty in Pink fanboy. Loved the insane red stage, the dramatic lighting, the ominous arrangement, and her sinister opening. Her emotion was palpable, at once brilliant and frightening. And the crazy glory note that went on forever, then kept on going, and then had children who also delivered glory notes? That was either damn awful or mad genius. I’m almost 80% sure it’s the latter.

Lee Dewyze – “Beast of Burden”

He mumbled the start, opened up nicely in the middle, and finished with his signature bland white rocker snarl, but it was all tempered nicely by his acoustic song choice. He was actually kind of sweet up there, charming, even. Not to commit blasphemy, but it was a very Kris Allen-like performance. He for sure gained fans with that one, me included.

Didi Benami – “Playing With Fire”

Why is it so scary watching Didi perform? Is it because there is even odds she has a complete meltdown at any moment? Or because we just don’t want to see her cry again so we hope she does well? She’s such an emotional whirlwind, that girl! Thankfully, she did well this week. Going with jeans maybe wasn’t the best star choice, but otherwise she looked amazing. The camera has never loved her more. Starting on the steps was a nice choice, and it’s good to see her shine without needing her guitar. She definitely stumbled midway through, but she hung in there and finished strong. Nice soulful, sexy arrangement, great tone. All in all, this was a nice week for our girl Didi.

Casey James – “It’s All Over Now”

From jump street, he had immediate big stage rock star presence. He’s relying too heavily on his guitar, not showing us enough of his vocals, but for now he’s doing enough. There is a richness to his voice that is great to listen to; he’s definitely getting better. If only he would trust his own instrument! He’s easily safe this week, but he needs to start stepping it up.

Katie Stevens – “Wild Horses”

Dramatic spotlight lighting! A totally robotic vocal! Trying to be sexy, but barely managing smoldering! Still not making up for the loss of Katelyn Epperly! Oy, this girl is at such the disadvantage. There’s no way she survives the next month. Until then…by far her best performance so far, and her smartest song choice, but she still has a WAYS to go before she can stand with the big guns in this competition.

Crystal Bowersox – “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

Very underwhelming for performing in the pimp slot. She doesn’t get points for admitting she was in her head and out of focus, but you do have to admire that even her lackluster performance was better than half the people in the competition. At this point, Crystal is her own worst enemy. She is so well liked and revered so early on, she has nowhere to go but down. This is exactly how Kris beat Adam last season. Watch how she stacks up against Siobhan as the weeks go on. By Top 6 we may be looking back at today and wondering how we ever thought she was the clear favorite.

Michael Lynche – “Miss You”

Simon was right; Big Mike was corny up there. And it wasn’t just the dance moves. He’s got a smooth, silky voice, and his showmanship is in the right place, but he can be so cheese-on-crackers up there. Good energy, super likeable personality, a fine vocal, but the whole thing was more than a touch goofy.

Lacey Brown – “Ruby Tuesday”

Lacey is everything people find tiresome about this show. She’s another poseur, a wannabe singer with no personality, utterly lacking in real drama, and just standing up there performing mediocre karaoke. Way to not use the biggest platform in music, LACEY! I wonder if SHE thinks she can win this competition?

Andrew Garcia – “Gimme Shelter”

We learned tonight that the small stage the Idolists were on the last three weeks was masking just how small and uninteresting Andrew’s voice truly is. Working on the big stage, he was swallowed up. Even with that desperate glory note at the end, he still came off charisma-free. Not to mention his clunky, mismatched fashion. Also? For one the Stones’ signature songs, that was the worst arrangement of the night.

Aaron Kelly – “Angie”

What are the judges seeing that I am not? Aaron Kelly is a charisma suck, a gaping black hole of personality, passion and interest. I wasn’t sure the performance had started ’cause the whole thing was so snore-inducing. I dozed off before he even got off the steps. I think even Aaron fell asleep during that performance. He’ll be safe this week ’cause America loves it some shaky talent tweens, but his days are numbered. And wow, someone needs to get FIRED over that hair of his.

Paige Miles – “Honky Tonk Woman”

She unleashed her big voice for the first time ever, which was good, but just made us feel sorry something so beautiful was trapped in a vessel so dull. The main problem with Paige is that she just isn’t vital. There are literally forty of her on the charts right now, and she’s not good enough to outshine any of them. Beyoncé didn’t even flinch watching her work. Jennifer Hudson just rolled her eyes and went back to shining her Oscar. Paige needs to show us a big personality, not just a big voice.

Tim Urban – “Under My Thumb”

Well, that was some weak, forgettable, Tiger Beat nonsense, lacking in every way: vocally, musically, and aesthetically. Just a safe, small performance by a guy who knows he doesn’t belong. I hope someone was keeping an eye on poor Alex Lambert, because he probably drowned in his own tears watching the spot he so deserved to be in get wasted by Tim.

Who should be the first to go? Do you think Siobhan has what it takes to beat Crystal? Make some noise in the comments!

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Peter Graves 1926-2010

One of my very first memories of TV was when I was about 5, living in Saigon. My family would gather around the tube and watch Mission: Impossible. The struck match and that pounding Lalo Schifrin score burned themselves into my brain as surely as that tape would self-destruct after 5 seconds every week.

I couldn’t understand a word of English then but loved Peter Graves as Jim Phelps—that authoritative voice and those crinkly eyes represented a reassuring solidity during chaotic times. I knew that no matter what, Phelps would lead his team out of trouble.

About a decade later, after I’d moved to the States and could speak English, Graves gave me stomach cramps from laughing at his portrayal of Captain Clarence Oveur in Airplane!, asking those inappropriate questions of little Joey in the cockpit. “Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?” and “Do you ever hang around a gymnasium?” (See highlights reel below.) I was delighted to see my childhood idol have such a terrific sense of humor.

So news of his passing on Sunday, just four days short of his 84th birthday, brought great sadness. But I choose to remember the laughs he gave me, and silently thank him for making a girl believe that the big mission she was about to embark on would not be an impossible one.

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Next Stop, Top 12: AMERICAN IDOL Season 9 Top 8 Guys Perform

FOX/Michael Becker

by Jason Matthews

Now I get to do that great breakdown of the remaining contestants, analyzing their pros and cons, and determining who truly belongs in the Top 12. Let’s consider which 6 should move on, and not which 2 should go home.

Casey James is a great country voice and a real fan favorite. He’s in. Michael Lynche has been a vocal homerun hitter and continues to be a compelling story. He’s in. Alex Lambert and Tim Urban are one voice two mullets, and they are both equally awesome and vital. Both are in. Lee Dewyze has the best voice of the group, but is a nothing performer. Since we don’t have a true male rocker to match wits with Siobhan, Lee needs to be in the Top 12. He’s in. That leaves us with three guys for one remaining spot…

Out of Aaron, Andrew and Todrick, only Todrick brings something original to the show. Tim and Alex cancel Aaron out, Lee and Casey block out Andrew, but there isn’t another guy doing stylish Neyo-style R&B. With Paige Miles going home, the show needs a dynamic R&B singer. Will Todrick make it through, though? Doubt it. Andrew is still riding the Paula Abdul wave, so he gets the final spot. Aaron and Todrick sadly get the boot.

We’ll tackle the early chances for the Top 12 next week, but at this moment, none of the guys look likely to overtake the powerhouse Crystal, or the enigma that is Siobhan. It is still the girls’ season to lose.

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Alex Lambert – “Trouble”

He basically did the same exact thing as last week. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He was awesome then, and still pretty brilliant this week. My concern is now that he got a bit of praise, he’s going to keep doing the same trick over and over again. I call it the Andrew Garcia Corollary. He’s got maybe 2-3 weeks of the Jack James MorcalBluntJohnson thing before he’ll have to knock it off and try something new. Here’s hoping his other tricks are as good.

Casey James – “You’ll Think of Me”

A solid “B” performance, not much more you can say about it. He was sincere, invested, and professional; he’s the Jason Castro of this season. Casey isn’t getting much better, per se, but he is getting more polished. Tonight, he looked as if he’d be doing this for years and years. And he didn’t even need to show his chest. He doesn’t have a chance in the world of winning American Idol, but he’s definitely earned the right to stay around for a while.

Lee Dewyze – “Fireflies”

I was wondering when someone was going to do this song, just always thought it would be Tim Urban. It was kind of odd watching his voice project an image of Nickelback making sweet, ugly love to The Postal Service, as dressed by the state of Montana, but it didn’t sound bad. One thing he does need to watch out for is the soft notes. His voice is more suited for those harsh, vibrato notes, so when he has to project sweetness it comes off more as whiny. Going back to rock and staying away from emo pop would be a good idea.

Tim Urban – “Hallelujah”

This song had “Bad Idea Jeans” written all over it. There are just too many versions of this song for Tim to have a chance to stand out. It’s designed to make you sound good, but soundalike. And soundalike it was. There wasn’t enough soul to his performance, and he came off very young, which in this instance was not a good thing. He, Alex and Aaron are all fighting for the same voting base. He needs to channel older if he wants any chance to winning that group. Also? Get rid of the Zefron mullet already. A Seacrest-style buzz cut gets him into the Top 6.

Todrick Hall – “Somebody to Love”

You gotta give it up to Todrick—he was the only guy to actually bring a show to the show. Cool staging, nice arrangement, great style. Maybe it was theater, but at least it was entertainment, and not yet ANOTHER dude on a stool. His voice isn’t much of anything, and he doesn’t have much to offer, but the guy is likeable. On this show, likeable goes a long way. It would be cool if that long way started now.

Michael Lynche – “This Woman’s Work”

It’s the size. That’s the problem. I can’t take him seriously because he’s so cartoonishly big. The falsetto seems ridiculous coming out of him, the preaching church-style vocal moves are corny, and after weeks and weeks of BIG MIKE, I can’t take him seriously when he pulls the humble card. Maybe it was good tonight. Maybe it was soulful and beautiful and daring. But taking the whole package in? As Randy would say, for me, for you, it didn’t work for me, dude.

Andrew Garcia – “Genie in a Bottle”

No one has fallen out of my good graces as quickly as Andrew. He’s been exposed as having a bad voice, so these gimmicks better hold up, and hold up WELL, or he is gonna get that surprise Top 7 Michael Johns boot. He’s not even connecting to the music anymore; he’s just doing his schtick. And the schtick isn’t just getting old, it’s applying for an AARP card. It won’t happen, ’cause he’ll make the Top 12, but the show would be better without him on it.

Aaron Kelly – “I’m Already There”

Didn’t Aaron learn from Paige that a walking-in entrance is a bad way to start your performance? Didn’t he learn from one million previous Idol performances that a sketchy first note takes you too far into the red to comfortably pull yourself back out? And who is dressing this kid? Another kid? Everything about this performance was misguided. It got better vocally as he went along, but it wasn’t enough. And man alive was it boring. I drifted off for a bit, thought about how crazy it is that Avatar didn’t win Best Picture and how gorj Didi looked last night and how funny Community has been lately, and when I got back, Aaron was STILL singing! Just the worst.

Be honest, do any of guys have a chance to beat Crystal or Siobhan? Who do you think will make the Top 12. Comment it up!

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Last Stop Before Top 12—AMERICAN IDOL Season 9 Top 8 Girls Perform

by Jason Matthews

This intro was originally planned as a complex breakdown of the remaining eight girls, detailing the pros and cons of sending each to the Top 12, analyzing why each were or were not vital to the show. It was full of Idol factoids, complex mathematics and fun jokes at the expense of Lilly Scott’s total witch troll hair.

Sadly, that paragraph will never see the light of the Internet, because it just isn’t required. Katie Stevens and Paige Miles so sung themselves out of the competition that even attempting to drum up tension is like dancing about architecture. Let’s just break the performances down, say some fun stuff and get the guys out of the way, so the real competition can finally begin.

Here are the reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Crystal Bowersox – “Give Me One Reason”

Photo: Fox

Crystal doing Tracy Chapman is like catching fish with dynamite—it’s just not fair to the other girls. She’s basically Will Hunting up there, burning pages of perfectly solved, impossible math proofs, cause it’s just too easy. Her talent is effortless. She looked amazing in the black, her dreads were actually appropriate for once, and she has the Rockstar moves down pat. I also loved her full-on pitching a squat on her amp during the judges’ comments, and then making Ryan join her, instead of getting up. When you got her kind of skills, you get to sit, while the rest of us stand.

Siobhan Magnus – “House of the Rising Sun”

She is utterly mesmerizing in every way. How in the world did she become everyone’s extra special Idol favorite? And Siobhan had the Superstar hair on “blast” tonight! The a capella was riveting, her tone was amazing, and the arrangement was perfectly suited for her. Even though the performance was a touch low-key, she was still riveting. This girl can do THINGS with her voice, things we might not understand for a long, long time.

Didi Benami – “Rhiannon”

From jump street, ten million hundred thousand times better than last week. You could tell when she stepped on stage that she was gonna make it work. Didi brought back her perfect, lovely tone; her voice was a Tony the Tiger-style grrrrreat match for Stevie Nicks. I wanted to hear something a bit bigger from her, a bit crazier. At some point we need to hear Didi get LOUD! But it is nice to see and hear her return to the captivating, emotional work she showed us in Hollywood Week.

Lacey Brown – “The Story”

You shouldn’t get credit for not sucking at singing a perfect song. Oh, did you do good karaoke on this national karaoke contest? Whaddaya want, a cookie?! Brandi Carlisle should demand a residual from that performance. She sang it well, as the judges said, but there was exactly ZERO dynamism to her personality or performance. What does she bring to this competition? What is unique to her beyond the crazy cool burgundy hair? More than two girls were worse than she tonight, but it still feels like she’s stealing a spot in the Top 12.

Katelyn Epperly – “I Feel the Earth Move”

That is what an American Idol performance on auto-pilot looks like. Everything is as it should be, the notes were fine, the melody was fun, the arrangement was bouncy, she looked super cute, but the whole thing was completely hollow. She made a less-than-zero connection to the music; it was practically an anti-connection. Did she have somewhere else to be tonight? Was she worried about what might happen to Ben on Lost? Something was going on in her head, and it wasn’t competing on American Idol.

Lilly Scott – “I Fall To Pieces”

I guess this is what it’s like to go to a Bjork concert. It was technically masterful, had a funky arrangement, fascinating vocal…and utterly crazy to watch at all times. She doesn’t have nearly the best voice of the girls, let alone the whole group, and she will be an afterthought in the Top 12.

Katie Stevens – “Breakaway”

A pyrrhic victory for wee Katie. She finally picked the right song and it’s the last one she gets to sing. Even with her big voice she couldn’t match Kelly’s power or spirit. There was something so clearly defeatist about her. She knew she was going home before she belted note one, and you could read it on her face. Poor kid—at least there’s a lucrative Disney contract waiting for her. I look forward to hearing her voice a colorful talking elf in the next princess movie.

Paige Miles – “Smile”

There was nothing to like here, save the hair and makeup. The entrance was misguided, the arrangement was maudlin, and she was boring and ineffectual with her vocal. She knew, we knew, the judges knew, AMERICA knew she was done. Hard to watch, knowing how done she was. It’s possible Paige printed her boarding pass for her flight home during that performance. And who would have noticed? We certainly weren’t paying any attention to her.

Are you pleased with the 6 girls being sent into the Top 12? Who do you think has the chance to win it all? Sound off in the comments.

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Girls’ Night: AMERICAN IDOL Season 9 – Top 10 Girls Perform

by Jason Matthews

My predictions for the girls last week were dead wrong; let me own up to that right away. I forgot my Idol history, and was thus doomed to fail. If there’s one thing Top 24 has proved year after year is that the token hottie ALWAYS gets kicked off immediately (think Amy Krebs or Stevie Wright). I should have known Janell Wheeler would be toast.

With Ashley Rodriguez, that was owing to a lack of compelling personal story. Nearly every contestant this year has a tragedy in his or her life or a wacky background; Ashley was just like a prettier Jordin Sparks, not a reason to keep her around.

Staying with Top 24 Idol history, the two girls traditionally kicked off in Top 10 week are singers who just aren’t as dynamic as the rest of the group. They may be cool people with great style, but lack that oomph we want in a female Idol (think Alexandrea Lushington or Casey Carlson). This spells bad news for the Lacey Browns of the competition.

Let’s see how our girls did with an extra day to prepare. Here are reviews of the performances, from best to worst.

Siobhan Magnus – “Think”

Going after Aretha on this show is a dicey prospect. That is, unless you have a sneakily amazing voice like Siobhan. She absolutely cuh-rushed that big note. There were better performances tonight, but none as electric as hers. And Simon is right—she is strange, and oddly compelling. That slow speaking voice, which makes you really not sure what the next word is gonna be or when it will come? Intriguing. Aside from her wardrobe, Siobhan worked it out. She’s definitely one of the ones to watch.

Crystal Bowersox – “Long As I Can See the Light”

A professional performance from note one. I don’t know if it’s because she was in the hospital and now we’re inherently rooting for her to overcome and triumph, but there was a softness and likability to her tonight that we hadn’t seen before. Great song choice, wonderful tone, and as crazy as it sounds, she’s getting prettier as the weeks go on. Here’s what that all means: Jewel can officially retire from music now; her services are no longer required.

Katelyn Epperly – “The Scientist”

Aside from Siobhan, Katelyn is the most fun to hear talk. When she’s riffing with Simon or sparring with the judges, there’s a great confidence and intellect on display. That might be the key to her: she’s smart. It comes across on stage. Picking Coldplay was a master stroke, being the only person on the piano helped her to stand out, she took Kara’s style tips and looked incredible, and the vocal itself was wonderful—so sweet, so loving. I continue to be surprised by how much I like her.

Paige Miles – “Walk Away”

Oh, I get it now—she’s the big ’90s pop singer. That Mariah-on-“Dreamlover”-meets-“Miss Independent”-Kelly-Clarkson voice—we can work with that. She’s still not very exciting to watch, but she CAN sing. And picking Kelly to do, and then doing it well, is exactly the right way to stay in the competition. I was worried she was starting to get lost in the shuffle of quirky indie rockers that have infested the competition this year, but she’s standing out perfectly as a pop diva. Hers was the only nakedly fun performance of the night, and it probably kept her on the show.

Lilly Scott – “A Change Is Gonna Come”

What do we do with this girl? She’s playing up the kooky Bjork angle, which is fine artistically but makes for a very divisive position on the show. She’s not as talented as Crystal, not as likeable as Didi, and not as unique and sparkly as the Haeley/Siobhan/Katie trio, so how is she going to keep up her fanbase? And I completely disagree with the judges on her Sam Cooke. It was too talk-singy, passionless, slow and pitchy. She’ll be fine for now, but as the weeks go on and the field crowds around her, she’ll be pushed out. And the show will be better for it.

Haeley Vaughn – “The Climb”

OK, let’s just take a minute here to breathe. Taking on The Beatles is one thing; every precocious young singer tackles those legends at some point. But it’s a whole OTHER thing to go after Miley Cyrus. “The Climb” is universal perfection. You can’t just smile and throw glitter around. You have to BRING it. And Haeley cannot and did not bring it. Lispy, soundalike (in a bad way), weak, rushed, horrendous bridge into the first chorus, and the end was a travesty. Miley can rest easy, but Haeley should not. She’s in the doghouse until further notice. (She’s LUCKY she didn’t do “Party in the USA” or I would have rioted the set. Rioted!)

Didi Benami – “Lean On Me”

This was heartbreaking. The complete wrong song choice, even MORE indulgent than last week (get a better dictionary, Didi), a scratchy, uneven vocal, and a mediocre arrangement. What is our beloved Didi doing? Why would she ever not be playing her guitar? Why is she not doing Rilo Kiley or late-career Tori Amos? Hell, she could win the whole show if she just did Fiona Apple’s “Criminal”! I love how she invests herself into each song, really grabbing the emotions of the lyrics, but she’s stopped being fun to watch. It’s now like watching a baby take its first steps—you’re just waiting for her to trip and fall over. Sad, sad development here.

Katie Stevens – “Put Your Records On”

She’s a bouncy, cute girl with severe Tracy Flick issues. Trying WAY to hard, utterly unable to pick the right song (mostly because she has not spent even one second of her life considering what kind of artist she wants to be, or even what being an artist means), and oddly old-sounding and young-looking at the same time. Like Kara says, her instrument needs a TON of work. Give it 2-3 years and she could win American Idol. But this year? Not a chance.

Michelle Delamor – “With Arms Wide Open”

Done. Gone. See ya, Shells! I mean, Creed? Are you TRYING to get kicked off? You can soul it up all you want, Beyoncé the thing to death, Andrew Garcia that beat and it STILL wouldn’t matter. Because it’s Creed, and that’s a FAIL every day of the week and twice on Sunday! The only good thing to come out of Michelle’s slow, painful, Scott Stapp-ian performance is that it means Didi will be safe this week.

Lacey Brown – “Kiss Me”

Give her this much—she handled her first-week nerves like a champ. It seemed like she was even having fun. Let’s hope she did, because it’s going to be her last performance on the Idol stage. There is absolutely nothing dynamic about her; we would not miss her at all if she were gone. Fun look, nice person, nobody doesn’t love a little Sixpence None the Richer, but she’s just not important enough to keep around. The Idol history lesson never fails; Lacey will be kicked off.

So who do you think was better this week, the girls or the guys? Were you more or less affected by Crystal because of her recent hospitalization? Sound off in the comments!

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Surprise, Guys! AMERICAN IDOL Season 9 – Top 10 Guys Perform

by Jason Matthews

Darn that Crystal Bowersox! Why did she have to get sick and subject us to an early round of the guys? That’s a full five-point coolness deduction for keeping us from an aesthetically enjoyable Tuesday edition of American Idol. Let’s echo Ryan and hope she gets better in time to compete.

Fun fact: Idol has a history of contestants falling ill (Megan Joy, Carly Smithson and others), but this is the first time a whole episode of the show was changed as a result. It’ll be interesting to note how her votes will be affected by this development. And by “interesting” I of course mean “not interesting” because her votes will obviously go up (like she needed the help). Nothing helps a fan favorite like a brush with death. Just ask David Cook and his Top 24 heart palpitations.

Despite the scheduling frustrations, the guys proved to be a worthy substitute. To take a dunder-headed, neon-watch-wearing page from Randy Jackson, the guys were a million trillion thousand percent better than last week. Everyone shook off the first week jitters and actually came to play. Now we can properly sort out who should be here, who’s actually talented, independent of the biased pictures the producers painted for us during auditions and Hollywood Week (this might not be good news for Andrew Garcia).

Here are the reviews of each performer, in order of best to worst.

Alex Lambert – “Everybody Knows”

FOX/Frank Micelotta

A lead-in package about how nervous and inexperienced you are? Solid choice, A-Lambs! It’s always a good way to make us believe you could be the next American Idol by revealing your pre-game vomit session. Who are you trying to be, Doug Dorsey? (I wonder who the Kate Moseley would be in this Cutting Edge scenario? Ah, who am I kidding? It’s totally Siobhan Magnus!) Thankfully, it looks like he’s getting over his insecurities. Alex gave a great performance—nice tone, good control, great song choice, rocked an awesome blazer. If he keeps improving, he might be a dark horse in the competition.

Lee Dewyze – “Lips of an Angel”

Close your eyes and he could be ANY bland white frontman in rock today. This is not necessarily a bad thing, all things considered. Americans loves them some bland white frontmen; just ask Chris Daughtry’s soundalike self. The problem here is that Lee is nothing to look at, and it has nothing to do with setting his shoulder back. There isn’t anything dynamic about him, nothing unique about his style; he’s just a voice, good though it may be. As the weeks go on and the rest of the group catches up to him vocally, he’s gonna be in trouble.

Tim Urban – “Come On Get Higher”

Isn’t he basically Alex Lambert with a different style of mullet? And less good? Since we already HAVE a Zac Efron, and Glee already has Cory Monteith, Ellen is crazy to suggest Tim should give up singing and act. (Though that probably didn’t stop The Disney Channel from slipping a contract under his hotel-room door two nanoseconds later. And Vanessa Hudgens from sitting up a bit straighter.) Tim made big strides from last week—good performance, great control, nice vocal. With Simon’s blessing, he’ll be safe this week.

Todrick Hall – “What’s Love Got to Do with It?”

Lemme get this right. In an attempt to stay in the competition, he’s choosing NOT to whip out his amazing dance moves, pretty much the sole reason he is still here? Uh, FAIL. He should ALWAYS be dancing, never NOT dancing. Also? Always wearing a futuristic blazer and changing up classic pop song arrangements. Randy is dead wrong (as always) to tell Todrick not to make the songs his own. More than anything else, Idol is about artistry, showing us the recording star you will be after you leave the show. So why would they tell Todrick to be boring and bland? He’s doing the exact thing he’s expected to do and doing it well!

Michael Lynche – “A Man’s World”

Aside from sticking his lips out WAAAAAY too much for my widescreen HD TV’s liking, Michael made it work. He’s got great control of the stage, and he picked a very smart arrangement; going R&B is the right method for shoring up his voting constituency. The singing itself may not be so great, but at least he’s keeping us entertained.

Casey James – “I Don’t Wanna Be”

Picking an overdone song made famous by more popular former Idol contestants? SMRT! Even smarter when he lacks Bo Bice’s passion and intensity and Elliot Yamin’s charisma. There is NOTHING special or vital or urgent about him. He’s all hair, eyes and stubble. The vocals aren’t there, his phrasing is amateur hour and he has no understanding of how to show more than one emotion at any given time. Also? Don’t profess to never having watched Idol before and expect us to think that’s some sort of virtue. American Idol has been the number one show on television for the last seven years; the times of claiming ignorance to this phenomenon are O-V-E-R.

Andrew Garcia – “You Give Me Something”

This performance is why you can’t really start judging the contestants until now. For all his Paula Abdul “Straight Up” awesomeness, we now find that Andrew isn’t actually that good. He has a small, pitchy voice, no personal style, and brings exactly zero electricity to the stage. Andrew can arrange, but that’s about all he can do. He will easily make the Top 12, but he’s not a threat to anyone at this point.

Aaron Kelly – “My Girl“

He may have studied his performance last week and thought he made positive changes, but from this side of the thing, it wasn’t much better. He rushed the whole song, white-knuckled the mic (and with a weird three-finger grip technique), lost control of his vocal, threw around his hands like he had no idea what to do with them (he probably didn’t) and picked the wrong song. If he’s gonna court the Justin Bieber vote, maybe he should consider playing to the Justin Bieber fanbase instead of choosing 40-year-old Motown standards.

Jermaine Sellers – “What’s Going On”

Has there been an Idol wannabe more in need of a serious attitude adjustment? Interrupting the judges, with that unearned shit-eating grin on his face? He may be stylish, but he is SO hateable. Thankfully, with his pale Marvin Gaye imitation, he probably sealed his own fate. Also worth noting: During his performance, I caught Didi in the audience looking utterly bored out of her mind. Let me tell you something—you do not bore Didi Benami on America’s watch! She is too special! Jermaine is going home.

John Park – “Gravity”

John was so boring that when Simon gave his usual biting criticism, the audience couldn’t even manage a passionate “boo” (and that’s what they are specifically brought in to do!). Just a complete and total nothing of a performance; John Park is dunzo.

Were you also disappointed the girls didn’t perform tonight? Do you agree the guys were a wild improvement over last week? Sound off in the comments!

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