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Boys Town—AMERICAN IDOL: Season 9 Top 12 Guys

by Jason Matthews

If a person had never seen or heard of American Idol before (I’m sure there’s a handful of them somewhere, like in Maine or something), and read a description of the show, they would probably assume a girl wins every season. I assume that, and I know this show better than National Treasure Ryan John Seacrest. It’s a show about pop stars, and that means girls. But inexplicably, a guy has won Idol in 3 of the last 4 seasons. Is it because we have SO many female pop singers already that adding one more onto the pile seems like too much work? Or is it because it’s easier for a guy to be impressive singing pop music since it seems like such a fun novelty?

Whatever the reason, the Guys must be watched extra close this season. The Girls are pegged as the better group, but on the whole the Guys were better off the bat. Not that they were so great to watch, though! Is there even ONE boy worth Googling in this entire group? What a collection of blahs! I’d sooner watch two hours of Randy Jackson trying on neon watches than sit through these guys try to sell me their try-hardy schtick.

Let’s get to the recap; the sooner we do this, the sooner the blessed Idol Girls will be back on stage again, making my television far easier to look at (if not necessarily listen to). Here are the reviews of each performer, in order of best to worst.

Casey James – “Heaven”

He will make the Top 12 on the strength of his hair and torso alone. People won’t even notice he’s singing for another month! Gross? Maybe, but that’s how it works with himbo contestants on this show. (See: Maroulis, Constantine.) Too bad, too, cause he has nice tone, is easy to listen to, and seems like a genuine, nice guy. But man alive, Kara needs to cut the cougar crap and Randy and Ellen need to stop encouraging her. If Simon did this with Jannell Wheeler he would be castrated, so let’s ease back on the double standard, OK, show?

Andrew Garcia – “Sugar, We’re Going Down”

What a disappointment. This is what happens when you give us the Paula. It’s all we’re ever going to want, and everything else will be a letdown. Also? His voice is secretly very thin and reedy. His musicality, though? Perf to the ect. He’s going to go very deep into the season, so this is all basically jokes, but I agree with the judgery—he can do better.

Todrick Hall – “Since You Been Gone”

Instead of singing, can he just do those awesome ninja back flips we saw him bust out during Hollywood Week?? I’d put him through just for those! One of my favorite things to look for on this show is when the judges tell contestants to make songs their own, do their version, and when they do it, the judges criticize them for changing the original. Todrick doing this is the same as Andrew doing slow jam Paula Abdul. You can’t have it both ways, Randy! Hip Hop Clarkson is a wildly fun arrangement. I can’t wait to see what this guy does next. May I suggest a little T-Pain-style autotune on Carrie Underwood?

Alex Lambert – “Wonderful World”

Do I have a biased opinion of Alex because he has the exact same mullet I had when I was eight years old, and secretly wish I STILL had? Possibly. But that’s beside the point, because the kid has talent. Great recording voice, nice style; I can very easily see him putting out a James hit, be it Cullem, Blunt or Morrison.

Lee Dewyze – “Chasing Cars”

There are a literal billion of these guys in frat-house living rooms the world over. Lee is lacking the charm of David Cook, the charisma of Kris Allen, and the vocal ability of Adam Lambert, just to compare him to AI guys. And that’s all before we start comparing him to all the soundalike alt-rock frontmen. Would it be an insult to Lee or to Nickelback if I said he sounded like a broke-ass Chad Kroeger? It’s pretty much bad all around, yes?

Michael Lynche – “This Love”

Let’s talk realistically about Big Mike—he is not winning American Idol. Does he have a nice voice? Yes. Is he likeable? Absolutely. But is his penchant for singing white-boy pop-rock songs completely off-putting? Uh, that would be OBVS. This is going to come off as racist, but it’s simply a fact: Idol voters want their African American guys to either sing hip hop or R&B. Period. This John Mayer, acoustic guitar nonsense? Not gonna fly, engrossing personal story or not.

Aaron Kelly – “Here Comes Goodbye”

Watching him feels like a 3D RickRoll. That Groban-y voice should just not come from such a small child. What do we even do with him? Is he even Tiger Beat enough to get the tween vote? He’s too dweebish to be the Season 9 David Archuleta, and Kevin Covais is still holding the patent on the Chicken Little look. Aaron is boring to listen to, boring to watch, and uninteresting as a potential American Idol. There’s no future here.

Tim Urban – “Apologize”

Can we discuss the pit stains in his Idol photo shoot freeze frame? No? OK, moving on then. The same way Whitney and Mariah are verboten on this show for the girls, One Republic needs to join that group for the guys. We get at least one or two of these slapdash, homeless-person rip-offs every season and it’s never fun to listen to. Not EVER. If Kris Allen couldn’t sell it, why did wee Tim Urban think he could? He has a weak vocal unfortunately combined with a severely underwhelming stage charisma. If he survives this week it will only be because of his Efronesque hair mullet.

John Park – “God Bless the Child”

Multiple choice question: John Park sounds like A) a lounge singer B) a cruise ship singer C) the house band for a low-key bar on New Year’s Eve D) a boring person. Give up? The answer is secret choice E) All of the Above! Class dismissed.

Tyler Grady – “American Woman”

I think I saw this performance once before; it was called Val Kilmer in The Doors. Didn’t like it then, outright loathe it now. And anytime you can remind me of that atrocious Lenny Kravitz cover (but not show me the Heather Graham music video hotness) you’re going to lose points—that’s just science. Can we please retire this obnoxious song? It is the absolute definition of male musical indulgence. About Tyler, though, I love it when a contestant says they want to prove they’re a singer, not a performer, and then pick a performer song and don’t sing! That’ll help your cause, T-Grads!

Joe Munoz – “You and I Both”

I feel like I shouldn’t even waste words on this because Joe is NOT making the Top 12. He may not make it ’til the end of this recap! The scarf was a Titanic-sized mistake, and David Archuleta may sue him for vocal, facial and follicle copyright infringement. I was forgetting about him as he was singing. Be honest, you were, too. Even now, you’re reading this and going “Joe Who”?

Jermaine Sellers – “Get Here”

Nick Cannon just sued Jermaine for theft and defamation of character, and then texted Mariah to make sure she wasn’t anywhere near the Idol set. Not that he needs to worry, since Jermaine is a screechy, wildly off-key, whiny-voiced male diva nothing. And by to the way, I still hate him for throwing the band under the bus during Hollywood Week, despite his claims he wouldn’t do it again (which he then proceeded to do almost IMMEDIATELY). I can’t wait to not have him in my American Idol life. Should only be a day or so before that happens.

Do you think Simon is wrong about a girl winning this season? Based on what you heard from the Guys, can any of them win the Idol crown?

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Ladies First—AMERICAN IDOL: Season 9 Top 12 Girls Perform

This post was written by new contributing writer Jason Matthews, who will be covering American Idol all season. No bad outfit, note, or attitude will be safe from his insightful commentary.—PCN

American Idol is finally in America’s hands again, and not a moment too soon. After six long, long weeks of who-cares sob stories, atrocious auditions, and unsatisfying filler judges (we miss you Paula!), we get to watch people actually perform and start picking the next American Idol.

But before we begin, it’s important to note the following:

I could watch Ryan say “This is American Idol” on an hourly basis until I am an old person. Such is the joy and drama he brings to his intros. There isn’t a better professional working in television today.
If having Ellen on the show means we have to sit through skits of Simon molesting the daytime talk queen, well then I am a-ok with it!
Kara has never looked better in her life. She needs to always have a front poof and teased ponytail. Always.
Randy does not know the definition of the phrase “give advice.”
Simon thinks a girl will win this year. I want to agree, but after watching them perform for the first time, my confidence is shaken.

All right, let’s pick us a pop star! Here are reviews of each performer, in order of best to worst.

Michelle Delamor

Of all the soundalikes tonight, and by “all” I mean ALL of them, Michelle was the best and came closest to sounding as good as the original (Alicia Keyes on “Fallin’ “). That counts for something. She has great control, knows how to rock an arrangement, and is style-hot like fire. Big fan of her diva arm swings. She’s the only one going for that diva spot, which has always been dicey (no diva has ever won OR made it to the Top 2), but she’s seasoned enough to make a big, long run on the show.

Katie Stevens

If this were Disney Idol, we could just crown her right now and call it a day. Katie would start recording immediately, and the Mouse House would politely thank Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez for their hard work, then boot them out of the Magic Kingdom. But this is not Disneyland, it’s American Idol, and Stevens’s faux-Aguilera voice, recital outfit style and mature song choices are going to tire. Quickly. She got the pimp slot tonight, so you know she’s fine, but there is trouble on the horizon.

Crystal Bowersox

When Simon is right, he is the rightist right that ever righted. He is incapable of left. Crystal may be the best musician of the group, but we’re not looking for 52^nd street subway buskers. We’re looking for the next great pop star; that’s the reason we are here. Playing the harmonica is all well and good, but this is a singing competition. Also, if you’re gonna choose to do Alanis but not sing “You Learn,” you can’t be trusted to entertain this fine country.

Didi Benami

I am biased here, because I have fallen into utterly helpless hard love with her, but I will try to be objective. Didi has nice control, is technically proficient, and happens to be delightful to watch. But she’s too precious with her talent and Simon was right—the song choice and performance were indulgent. Despite my passion for D-Bens, I don’t know that I can listen to her roll through the indie-rock chic genre for four months. She’s one or two Regina Spektor songs away from becoming the spokesperson for a Lillith Fair revival.

Katelyn Epperly

The first thing I thought when she started singing: In. Just in. Her voice is a VOICE. Great raspy quality, nice tone; she is a very confident talent, which is nice to see so early on in the competition. What was most shocking about her time on stage, though, was Randy giving her truly insightful criticism (about her focus on tone over flash). Who knew Randy could even form coherent, grammatically correct sentences with the English language, let alone speak intelligently about the art of music?

Lilly Scott

Don’t we already have a Fiona Apple, who is a better singer and doesn’t have Grandma hair? Let me pose this to you: Who will buy her album? What demo does she appeal to? What radio station will her first single play on? I get that she has a distinct look and feel, I can appreciate that the judges find her “unique.” But let me tell you “unique” doesn’t always mean “good,” especially in this case.

Siobhan Magnus

There is so much here to like, but even more to be confused by. What look is she going for, exactly? Why was she wearing flip flops? Does she really believe being the quirky girl will get her past six other girls? She has undeniable vocal skills but she has no idea how to adapt them situationally. “Wicked Game” is haunting and interesting, yes, but it’s also ragged and dirty; grimy, even. Siobhan’s version was too clean, too sterile. I would bet she has never seen the music video for this song.

Janell Wheeler

Let’s say a bunch of sad facts in a row: out of tune for the whole performance, the back-up singers blew her off the stage, the song was too big for her, and she had ZERO control of her nerves. Since she’s not going the Britney route (hot girl singing cheesy pop music), she needs to convince us she has presence and authority. After tonight, I don’t think anyone’s gonna buy it.

Ashley Rodriguez

If you had asked me before tonight who I thought would be the next American Idol, sight unseen, I would have said Ashley Rodriguez. Perfect look, good voice, gorgeous, fun to watch. But based on her first performance, I would be surprised if she made the Top 12. Her voice was alternately flat and sharp, she was jittery and unpolished. Simon said it best—Ashley was clumsy. Clumsy can be charming (see: Vaughn, Haeley), but not in A-Idol-Rod’s case.

Haeley Vaughn

Was she slurring her words during the song? It didn’t sound like she completed any of her phrasing. And girl was screechy. Saved by the Bell-level of screech. The melody and key transitions were amateur hour, the guitar was distracting, and the song choice was deplorable. The Beatles? On Night One? Really, 16 year-old Haeley? REALLY?! That’s the type of precociousness that gets you muted.

Paige Miles

Don’t we already have a Jill Scott? Also, who was this person? I’ve watched her performance twice and still wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a lineup. Was she just put through so she could get kicked off in Top 24 and insure that other, better girls would be safe? I suppose there are worse reasons to be on the show. For a week, anyway.

Lacey Brown

If she survives this week, it will be because the entire world, and all of Earth, love that song. “Landslide” is practically a national treasure but she did it no justice. A catastrophically bad arrangement, made worse by her poor phrasing, slow delivery, and her inability to hit the low notes. But hey, at least she got to be the first person Randy called “pitchy” this season; that counts for something. Sadly, it’s the only thing she can count on, because she is going HOME.

Who do you think should get sent home this week? And could Ryan be more awesome and professional? The second question is rhetorical, obvs, but please take a minute to answer the first one in the comments below.

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TARGET This

Christopher Chance (Mark Valley) is a bodyguard for hire and a man fighting the good fight as a sort of freelance version of a TV James Bond in Human Target, the exciting new series from executive producer McG (Chuck/Supernatural). Only this guy doesn’t just work for money, he’s willing to barter and he just might enjoy being a human target a bit too much. These quirks, the action sequences and a solid cast combine to make this new FOX drama series a standout and one to watch in 2010.

In opening scene of the seemingly ripped-from-the-headlines pilot episode, a disgruntled former employee has taken his former co-workers hostage by strapping explosives to his body and wielding a shotgun to show us how serious he is. A SWAT negotiator convinces the disgruntled employee to give up the other victims while allowing him to hold on to the company’s CEO, who is tied to a chair with a black hood over his face.

Once all the other hostages exit the building, it is revealed that—SURPRISE!—our hero Chance was actually the guy under the hood the entire time and he is suddenly no longer tied up. A few lightning-quick moves and the shotgun is no longer an issue. Sure, the building gets blown up in the process, but our hero knew he was only six feet from a wall that would shield him from the blast. Of course, he also saw the fuse on the bomb had a three-second delay. Chance survives and is onto the next case after a month of recovery.

You may ask how the heck our hero was able to switch places with the tied-up CEO without anyone in the room finding out and no, it isn’t explained. After all, it’s based on a comic book so you have to suspend your disbelief a little. But this show is fun to watch for anyone looking for an everyman hero with some real action minus all the emotional angst that seems to plague many other action dramas these days. For instance, the cast is top-notch. Chi McBride is wonderful as the curmudgeonly Winston, Christopher’s handler and partner, and the always underrated Jackie Earle Haley plays the mysterious computer whiz who freelances for the two men.

The fight scenes rival anything you’ve seen in the Jason Bourne or revamped James Bond movies. More importantly, you can actually see the moves because these sequences aren’t shot using the lame but very popular hand-held camera method. This series shows some real promise and I will target the next episode airing on Wednesday night in its regular time slot of 9 p.m.

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Behind the Scenes at the Golden Globes 2010

After the ceremony (and maybe a party or two), a friend of mine who had attended the Globes called and we chatted briefly about some things that weren’t shown on TV. She wished to stay anonymous since she often works with many of the celebrities in attendance.

PCN: Did you have fun?

A: Yeah! It’s so ridiculous. Marion Cotillard and Mo’Nique are kind of like my buddies now. At the end of the night, Mo’Nique kissed me on the cheek and said, “See you at the SAG Awards [next weekend]!”

PCN: Don’t make me push you down the stairs. What other moments stood out for you tonight?

A: The reunions [of former co-stars]. At one point, John Lithgow was talking with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Jodie Foster ran into Mel Gibson, who was wandering around because he didn’t have a seat.

PCN: Why didn’t he have a seat?

A: Lots of stars show up just to make an appearance and then leave. They don’t stay for dinner.

PCN: Who else did that?

A: Cher, Christina Aguilera, Josh Brolin, off the top of my head. Oh, get this. For some reason, Taylor Lautner had better seats than Amy Adams, Halle Berry and Kate Winslet.

PCN: What?!

A: I know! The best seats are on the bottom floor and then there’s the second tier. So on the floor there was Robert De Niro, Daniel Day-Lewis, Sophia Loren and Taylor Lautner.

PCN: That makes no sense. OK, what got the biggest gasp in the room?

A: When Ricky Gervais made the crack about Mel Gibson.

PCN: What did you think of Gervais?

A: He’s very nice but I don’t think he was great [as host]. He was well-spoken and witty but for some reason, I wasn’t drawn in, I wasn’t enthused.

PCN: I hate to say it but I have to agree. He certainly wasn’t terrible but I expected him to be much funnier.

A: Oh, I have another call. Gotta go!

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Nerdies for Best & Worst of 67th Annual Golden Globes

I usually love me some Globes but last night while they were on, I was deep in HTML hell so my wrap-up will be a bit more succinct than usual. If you’d like a complete list of winners, go here. I’m just going to run down the moments that stood out for me.

Best She-Cleans-Up-Well Award: Mo’Nique. I whooped with joy when my girl won for Precious, and then she moved me with her eloquent, heartfelt acceptance speech, a completely different kind from the terrifying one she makes in the movie to the social worker.

Least in Need of Airbrushing: Meryl Streep. Did you see her skin?! Whatever she’s using, I want several buckets of. She was so glowy, if the lights had gone out, she would have been the only person in the room you could still see clearly.

Best Sense of Humor about Himself: Mel Gibson. Ricky Gervais introduced him by saying, “I like a drink as much as the next man…unless that man’s Mel Gibson!” Then Gibson proceeded to play along by slurring his words as he presented the award for best director.

Most Disturbing Dresses That Were Actually Half Gorgeous: Drew Barrymore’s and Christina Aguilera. Barrymore looked radiant (she won her first Globe!) but I could not take my eyes off those lumps on her shoulder and hip. They looked like baby porcupines that had fallen into jars of glitter. Aguilera looked good, too, but her two-toned dress made it look as if she forgot to tuck her right boob back in after she breast-fed her child. And speaking of breasts…

B(r)e(a)st Smackdown: Halle Berry vs. Mariah Carey. These two ladies wore plunging necklines that showed most of their womanhood to the world. But while Berry managed to look sexy, Carey just looked cheap and porny. Put them away, Mariah. They’re not that precious.

Most Handsome Nerd: Dude, Zachary Levi was smokin’ in his tan and tux! If he keeps that up, who’s going to buy him as a nerd on Chuck anymore?

Biggest Failed Attempt at a Clever Speech: Robert Downey Jr. I’m not happy about that; I’m crazy about him as an actor. But when he won for Sherlock Holmes (what the…?) and pretended he wasn’t going to thank anyone, he sounded like an ass instead of charming and funny the way George Clooney and Hugh Grant did when they pulled the same stunt in the past.

Hottest Train Holder: Jon Hamm. During the red carpet arrivals, Jennifer Garner had a problem with her train. As she struggled with it, Hamm came along and gallantly held it up for her.

Best Dress: Zoe Saldana‘s gorgeous red ruffled gown. I’m not usually a girly girl but took one look at that and thought, “Oooh, pretttttty.” Louis Vutton knew how to do ruffles, unlike the designers of the Chloe Sevigny’s and Anna Kendrick’s dresses.

Best Put-Together: Jennifer Garner. Despite all the rain (even Heidi Klum had flat hair!), Garner was perfection from head to toe.

What did you like (or not) about the Globes? Who did you think was best dressed?

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CHUCK's Back!

Did you catch the Chuck season three premiere last night? Talk about two satisfying hours of television. I’ve always enjoyed this show, but now that Chuck (Zachary Levi) has downloaded the Intersect v.2 into his head, giving him access to skills like kung fu and flamenco-guitar playing, the fun factor has ratcheted up a few notches.

This doesn’t mean our Buy More nerd is James Bond. He’s too emotional for the Intersect to work properly so his klutziness is alive and well. He’s also still in love with Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski), the tension between them as thick as ever, if not more so because of something we see in flashback. Though I feel for their predicament (“Spies don’t fall in love,” she tells him), I kinda hope they never get together because the show will be over.

It might end anyway after this season if ratings don’t pick up. It baffles me why a well-written romantic action comedy like this (what other show does all that?) can’t find a bigger audience. I hope recurring guest stars Brandon “Superman” Routh and Kristin “Lana Lang” Kreuk will be able to help.

If you missed the premiere last night, you can watch it at nbc.com and another fresh episode airs tonight at 8 p.m. Any other fans out there?

Nerd verdict: Chuck yourself

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THE SING-OFF

Anybody watched this show? I abhor reality shows (except American Idol and Project Runway) but tuned in to NBC’s The Sing-Off because it was advertised as real-life Glee and you know I love me some of that. The four-night competition is between a capella groups made up of non-pro singers hoping to land a Sony recording contract. Guess what? The Glee comparison wasn’t completely off base! It was like watching sectionals, except some of the singers are older than school age.

The groups are quite talented and one in particular, the Socals, reminded me the most of our beloved New Directions. They even sang “Don’t Stop Believin'” and “Somebody to Love.” Another bunch of preppy school kids, The Beelzebubs, sang “Sweet Caroline,” though Puck’s rendition was much, well, sweeter. The ‘Bubs are well-liked by the crowd but they turn me off with their cheesy smugness. My prediction for the win is Nota, an all-guy group which manages to put some spicy flavor into every song.

If you missed the three episodes which aired this past Monday through Wednesday, you can watch full episodes on NBC.com or Hulu. Then you can still vote for your favorite group (on NBC.com only; voting closes Sunday, Dec. 20) and the winners will be revealed on Monday’s show.

Check it out, tell me which group(s) you like best, and help some folks get a recording contract for Christmas!

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More TV Flippin'

The DVR was about to explode this weekend so I chained myself down with popcorn and cake for some marathon TV viewing. Some quick impressions:

Three Rivers. Warning: This soporific show might induce a coma. Though the actors—including Alex O’Loughlin (Moonlight), Daniel Henney (Agent Zero in X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Katherine Moennig (The L Word), and Alfre Woodard—are pretty, their characters are dull and saddled by storylines that are neither compelling nor groundbreaking. It’s all been done better on the myriad of medical shows that have gone before. Nerd verdict: Needs life support.

Mercy. For a better new hospital show, try this NBC series instead. It focuses on three nurses working at Mercy Hospital in Jersey, with stories revolving more around their lives than medical mysteries. The lead, Taylor Schilling, is a TV newcomer but she comes across like an old pro, playing her Iraq veteran character, Veronica, with intelligence, forthrightness and sly sexiness. Jaime Lee Kirchner injects sass into her role while Michelle Trachtenberg is a little annoying as the green, earnest nurse (more how the character is written than the actress’s fault), but she has less screen time than the other two so I’m okay with her for now. Nerd verdict: Check into Mercy.

FlashForward. Three eps in and it’s growing on me. At first, I thought it was too much a Lost rip-off, with references to Oceanic Airlines and Australia in the pilot, plus Lost‘s Penny, Sonya Walger, as a series regular (additional Losties include Kim Dickens guesting in ep 3 and Dominic Monaghan joining the show in episode 6). But I’m now caught up in the Mosaic and the visions and mystery without being pissed off—yet—by the obliqueness of it all. Nerd verdict: I see it being around six months from now.

Are you hooked on anything yet this season? What started out strong but has already lost you?

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Notes on New Series

At the beginning of each TV season, I like to sample new shows at least once. Last night, I did a marathon, watching NCIS: Los Angeles, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Glee and half of Eastwick. Since my eyes have way exceeded their daily radiation allotment, I’m going to keep this short and just go with quick impressions of each show.

Photo: Sonja Flemming/CBS

NCIS: Los Angeles. Chris O’Donnell is so wrong for this role of tough, military-trained leader guy. He’s as edgy as soup; his low-energy line readings and pauses slow down the show’s pacing, which broadcasts every plot development from a mile away. It makes no sense that O’Donnell’s character doesn’t know what his first name is (he only has the initial “G”). If he’s an orphan like it’s implied, at some point while he was going through the system, someone would’ve given him a name, if for no other reason than proper record keeping. Everyone else in the pilot is completely forgettable, except for maybe Barrett Foa, whose tech expert is quirky without being annoying, and Linda Hunt, whose character looks exactly like the costume designer Edna from The Incredibles. Even LL Cool J couldn’t make this show like his name. Nerd verdict: NCIS=Not Cool or Interesting Show.

Photo: Bob D'Amico/ABC

Modern Family. I was a little wary of all the hype surrounding this show since I was underwhelmed by CBS’s Julianna Margulies-starrer The Good Wife, which also had advance rave reviews. But Family got in a few good jokes and most of the characters are likable. My favorites are the gay men who just adopted the cutest Vietnamese baby and named her Lily. A family member asks, “Wouldn’t that be hard for her to say?” I’m Vietnamese, can pronounce all my “L”s properly and still found that hilarious. Nerd verdict: A Family I’m happy to see.

Courtesy ABC

Cougar Town. I think Courteney Cox can be really goofy and she does good, brave work here. Who doesn’t like a beautiful woman who can make fun of herself? The pilot was trying too hard to be witty, though. We get that Jules, Cox’s character, is a little desperate but the show shouldn’t come off that way, too. Dan Byrd (Aliens in America), as Jules’s son, does have a sane, grounding presence and the show has potential if everyone would just relax. Nerd verdict: I’d visit this Town again if residents quiet down a bit.

Eastwick. I bailed halfway through so my remarks only apply to the first 30 minutes. The leads, Rebecca Romjin, Lindsay Price and Jaime Ray Newman, lack bewitching powers and the Jack Nicholson role is filled by an actor looking like Chris Noth-lite speaking in affected soap-opera tones. Nerd verdict: No magic here.

Courtesy Fox

Glee. This show has been on for a couple weeks and its pilot aired back in May but it’s still a new series. If you’re not watching it yet, you’ve got to start. Every week, it deftly mixes humor with pathos, features Jane Lynch as MVP, and includes at least one musical number. I don’t even like musicals but find myself looking forward every week to the showcase piece. This week, it was a high-school football team taking a timeout during a game to dance on the field to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies,” complete with the infamous moves. As entertaining as this was, though, the high point for me was the scene where Kurt (Chris Colfer) came out to his father (Mike O’Malley). Both actors handled the scene with the perfect amount of heart and it was a beautiful thing to watch. Nerd verdict: Glee, indeed.

What new shows have you seen? Which gets a season pass on the DVR and which will you just pass on?

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Monday Night Madness

Photo: Mike Yarish/Fox

OK, I probably talk about Hugh Laurie a little too much around here but I love how, one night after the television academy denied him an Emmy, he showed them up with a brilliant performance in the season 6 House premiere that’s probably one of his best in the show’s history. In your face, TV Academy! Awesomeness is the best revenge.

This episode, which takes place solely in the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital, was so good, I didn’t miss House’s team or Cuddy, not even when House got it on with Franka Potente. My favorite things:

Tony-winner Lin-Manuel Miranda as House’s rapping roommie, Alvie. His energy was so infectious, I could see why he didn’t want to take his meds if they dampened it. Too bad we won’t get to see more of him.
That rap Alvie did with House!
House being constantly outwitted by Dr. Nolan (a formidable Andre Braugher). It’s nice to see House humbled and not always getting away with his abusive behavior.
The quiet grace Franka Potente brought to Lydia. Quite a difference from the kinetic Lola in Tom Tykwer’s film.
Megan Dodds as the unflappable Dr. Beasley. Fun fact: She and Laurie both recurred on the British series Spooks aka MI-5, he as a blowsy bureaucrat and she as a CIA agent.

After House, I switched over to ABC’s Castle to catch one of my favorite mystery authors, Michael Connelly, in a cameo. Sometimes non-actors can give really stiff line readings but I think Connelly did a nice job, with a touch of his trademark dryness that amuses me. It was fun to hear Harry Bosch getting a shout-out.

I also recorded Heroes but haven’t had time to watch it yet. It’s been infected by major suckage in recent seasons but I don’t know why I haven’t given up on it yet. Watching the premiere ep might decide it for me.

I love this time of year when new network series premiere, old favorites come back and my DVR is full. It’s been woefully empty all summer, when I stop watching TV due to all the reality trash.

What did you think of this mold-breaking House episode? What else are you watching or looking forward to this season? Which mystery author would you like to see on Castle next? Vote below!

[polldaddy poll=2028042]

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Emmys Highlights

First, let me get this out of the way. What does Hugh Laurie have to do to win a frakkin’ Emmy?! Jeff Probst now has two Emmys; Laurie, zero. ‘Nuff said.

Overall, the show was kinda boring because there weren’t a lot of surprises. Neil Patrick Harris did a good job in a thankless role—his opening number was amusing and I liked how he identified presenters by their most obscure roles—but I thought he’d be funnier and a lot more irreverent. Everything felt too safe. Even his Dr. Horrible appearance with Nathan Fillion fell a little flat.

If you want a complete list of winners, click here. Read on if you want to see who gets my Nerdies. (All photos via Variety.)

Most Deserving of Thanks: Stuntwoman Jeannie Epper. When Ken Howard won best supporting actor in a TV movie for Grey Gardens, he thanked Epper for giving him a kidney. Yeah, I’d say she was way more responsible for his winning the award than his agent was.

Best Audition for Her Next Job: Kristin Chenoweth. In her speech after winning best supporting actress in a comedy series for Pushing Daisies, she said, “I’m unemployed now so I’d like to be on Mad Men. I also like The Office and 24.” If you’re asking for a job, an Emmy is a good prop to be holding while you’re doing it. (It was cute how the Emmy was almost as tall as Chenoweth.)

Best Explanation for How He Became a Winner: Matt Hubbard, 3o Rock writer, said, “I’d first like to thank Walter Patterson for punching me in the 8th grade and turning me into a comedy writer.” If Chris Long didn’t repeatedly throw the dodgeball in my face in 5th grade, I wouldn’t be here, either.

Funniest Listing of Nominees: Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Every year I look forward to the category of best writing for a variety, music or comedy series because the nominated writers always do something goofy. This year, O’Brien is seen deleting all his writers as friends on Facebook. Runner-Up: Brian Williams reading the names of Saturday Night Live‘s writing staff and then saying that collectively they’re known simply as “Nerds.” Holla!

Person Who Couldn’t Be Nerdy if He Tried: Simon Baker. He came out to present an award wearing nerdy glasses and rumpled hair but still looked ultra hot. When I have bed hair and my glasses on, the neighborhood kids threaten to give me a wedgie.

Coolest “Rat”: As usual, Ricky Gervais was the funniest guy in the room. Sporting what he called a “Rat-Pack green” retro jacket, he said he felt comfortable and “above average” among TV stars since movie stars are so annoyingly good looking. He then invited an audit of his bank account in case anyone doubted how much he’ll make as executive producer of The Office (“whatever that means”) now that it’s going into syndication. Why hasn’t somebody hired Gervais to host an awards show already?

Best Losing Reaction: Drew Barrymore. When Jessica Lange won for Grey Gardens, Barrymore bounced up from her seat with a face-splitting grin, clapping madly for her co-star. She got teary-eyed and exuded so much joy, you’d think she won the award herself. That’s either class or she pulled off an act deserving its own Emmy.

Most Boring Winner: Two and a half seconds after I said, “Please let it be anyone but Jon Cryer,” he was named best supporting comedy actor for Two and a Half Men. I’m too bored to write anything more about this.

What did you like or didn’t like? What did you think of Neil Patrick Harris? (Click here for my fashion comments.)

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PROJECT RUNWAY–Fashionably Late But Still in Style

I loved my Project Runway binge tonight! Having the all-star challenge, Season 6 premiere and Models of the Runway all in a row was like Thanksgiving to me—loads of deliciousness in one evening. I indulged and have no guilt whatsoever. I hate reality shows but the two I enjoy, this and American Idol, are addictive. (If you missed the premiere, you can still rate the runway fashion here.)

The first challenge this season was to make a dress worthy of the red carpet. I’m not going to do a full review because my eyes feel radioactive after too much TV, but here are some quick thoughts: ***SPOILERS***

Ari Fish

It’s kind of shocking but rather cool that the annoying Ari got Auf’d. How did she get on the show? She doesn’t sketch and believes clothes should also double as a water purification system. Let me tell you right now—I am not drinking anything that came from my pants. Usually, producers keep the controversial contestants (Kenley, anyone?) around to drum up conflict so I applaud Ari’s elimination. I want more catwalk, not more cat fights.

I can’t deal with Johnny, the whiny former meth addict. He auditioned 3 times to get on the show and then cried at the start of the very first challenge without having done anything! He said, “I never thought it would be this hard.” Huh? Did he not watch the previous 5 seasons? Why pursue something so tenaciously if he didn’t know anything about it? Then he kept crying about how hard it is since he can’t turn to the meth to comfort him anymore. I respect people who can kick a serious addiction but no one put him in that pressure cooker except him. If he needed more time to heal, he should’ve stayed home and given the spot to someone else.

Not sure if Christopher should’ve won (I was rooting for Ra’mon and his one-shouldered purple gown) but I did like the winning dress quite a bit. It was both tough and soft, funky and feminine, something I’d definitely wear with a nice pair of cut-out booties.

Qristyl’s purple nightmare was just a mess without the hot or tranny. It was so loud, my teeth hurt while looking at it.

Guest judge Lindsay Lohan was more articulate than I expected but she still gets on my nerves. That girl has no business judging fashion considering the skanky way she dresses sometimes.