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AMERICAN IDOL Season 9: 7 of Top 24 Revealed

AP/FOX, Michael Becker

I watched this two-hour show in about 40 minutes because it was so annoyingly full of filler. Yes, I know that’s how they always do it, but this ep seemed more padded than usual. A hundred twenty minutes weren’t enough for them to reveal all the top 24 contestants? It’s like James Cameron thinking he needed almost 3 hours to give us a nature video!

Let’s get right to the point here. The first 7 singers through to the next round are: (SPOILERS!!)

“Big Mike” Lynche, first-time father whose wife gave birth during Hollywood week. He’s a good singer but his smugness kinda turns me off.
Didi Benami, Lauren Holly lookalike who gets intensely emotional with every song. LOVE her but I hope she can keep her nerves and tears in check during live competition. It’s only going to get tougher from here.
Katelyn Epperly, pretty with wild, fabulous hair but nothing about her voice makes her stand out for me right now.
Casey James, blond Zach Braff-y dude who was sexually harassed by female judges during his original audition (they made him take off his shirt). So unnecessary since his voice is quite good.
Aaron Kelly, kid who was adopted by aunt because his parents couldn’t take care of him and his brother. Seems really sweet, has a decent voice, but I don’t think he’s ready for the big time. He forgot the lyrics multiple times during Hollywood week.
Lee Dewyze, guy with the HUGE voice, probably the strongest male in the top 24 so far.
Todrick Hall, with the striking eyes who made Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” his own.

Wednesday night, the judges will reveal the rest of the semi-finalists: 10 more girls, 7 guys. My guesses for some of the females: Ashley Rodriguez (she’s ready to go pro right now), Haeley Vaughn (little guitar-playing girl with a voice bigger than her body), Angela Martin (smooth operator), and Crystal Bowersox (Janis lives!). If Bowersox doesn’t make it, look out your window for flying pigs.

Among the guys, I can only think of Andrew Garcia being worthy. No one else has really made an impression on me. Doesn’t matter; the Idol will be female this year.

Do you have favorites yet? What did you think of Jessica Furney’s begging? Are you glad Mary Powers is gone? (UPDATE: Here’s the full list of the top 24.)

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WE ARE THE WORLD 25 FOR HAITI Video

In case you haven’t seen it, here’s the new version to raise money for Haiti. Love the little kid waving his hand in the air in the beginning. Babs still got it. So moving to see Michael Jackson. And oh my gosh, Jennifer Hudson blows my hair back with her voice. Incredible.

How do you think this compares with the original?

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Movie Review: VALENTINE’S DAY

The marketing for Valentine’s Day makes the movie look like a shiny, pretty gift for those looking for a little romance come February 14. In reality, it’s like a box of candy that’s already been opened, with the contents all stale and hard to swallow.

Many storylines and characters collide to make up the narrative. There’s Reed (Ashton Kutcher), the boy who owns a flower shop that gets a huge boost in business on the titular day; his best friend Julia (Jennifer Garner), the impossibly perky grade school teacher who’s in love with a brilliant surgeon (Patrick Dempsey); Liz (Anne Hathaway), an office assistant who doubles as a phone sex operator; Captain Kate Hazeltine (Julia Roberts), a military officer flying home on leave who strikes up a friendship with a fellow passenger (Bradley Cooper), and a couple of silly teens in love (Taylors Swift and Lautner).

As you can see, almost all of Hollywood is crammed into this movie, and I didn’t even mention the plotlines involving Shirley MacLaine, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx and several others. (Kathy Bates and Lautner might as well have been glorified extras, considering how little screen time and few lines they have.) It felt like director Garry Marshall was cooking spaghetti, throwing all these stars up on screen to see who sticks. Sadly, none of them do.

Some of these actors are favorites of mine, but most were directed to overact to the point of embarrassment. Biel’s character, Kara, has a ridiculous meltdown that made me feel sorry for the actress. Swift is goofy but in an over-the-top way, trying too hard to impress in her big-screen debut. No one behaves in any manner that seemed even remotely real (except for Roberts, who wisely underplays her role) and in the end, their stories are wrapped up with unnatural and implausible conclusions. If you’re looking for a romantic movie with lots of attractive stars and real heart, skip the cineplex and rent the superior Love Actually instead.

Nerd verdict: If not a massacre, Valentine’s Day is still a giant mess

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I’m a Big Fat Liar

Within the last week or so, two of my blogger friends, le0pard13 and Poncho, kindly bestowed on me the Creative Writer Award (Poncho also gave me the Kreativ Blogger Award), with the real implication being they think I’m a bald-faced liar. Which I take as a huge compliment! It takes a lot of talent to be a convincing liar, I’ll have you know.

One of the rules in accepting the award requires me to post statements about myself—some lies, some truths—and have readers guess which is which. I also have to thank the people who gave me the award and then give it to seven others.

So here goes: Thank you, le0pard13 and Poncho, for telling me to my face how you really feel about me. People who call me a liar behind my back are cowards and need to be whacked repeatedly with nunchucks.

As for nominating seven other bloggers, I only know about five and they’ve all received this award already (thanks a lot for picking me last, guys; what is this, kickball?). So, I will pass it on to only one other blogger, the divine Ms. Shell Sherree, who does beautiful illustrations, schools me on Australian lingo, and is a gorgeous friend.

Now for the statements:

I once provided backstage security for Duran Duran at a concert.
Mel Gibson and I once shopped for books together.
I was in Germany when the Berlin Wall came down.
Several years ago, I finished the New York Marathon right behind P. Diddy.
I’m a crack shot at the firing range.
I have a black belt in tae kwon do and once trained with Chuck Norris.
I was voted Most Likely to Win Hot Dog Eating Contest in high school.
I worked briefly for the FBI after college.
I’ve skydived out of a C-130.
I once played Charlie in a school production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Think you can figure out which statements are true or false? Have at it! Extra points if you tell me why you think something is a lie or truth.

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Winners of Ben Sherwood’s THE SURVIVORS CLUB

With Random.org‘s help, I drew the following 5 names to receive a trade paperback copy of this book from Hachette Book Group:

Alana (Whitman)
Lydia
le0pard13
WotV
Elizabeth (APMonkey)

Congrats! Please DM or e-mail me your address (click on “contact” tab at top of page) and I’ll pass it along to the publisher. If I don’t hear from you by 5 p.m. PST Sunday, alternate names will be selected.

Thanks to all for entering and telling me what kind of survivor you are. Stay tuned for more giveaways soon!

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Movie Review: FROM PARIS WITH LOVE

During most of the Luc Besson-produced From Paris with Love, I had no idea what was going on. Oddly enough, being a fan of plot-driven movies, I still found it to be a blast, and I’m not just talking about the explosions. It’s because of John Travolta having more fun than I’ve ever seen him have on screen, making it impossible for me to not enjoy the ride with him.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers is a junior CIA agent living in Paris with a cover job in the U.S. Embassy, doing little more than grunt work and eager to take on more dangerous assignments. He gets his wish when the agency teams him up with loose cannon agent Charlie Wax (Travolta) to take down drug dealers and terrorists. You don’t need to know more than that because it’s irrelevant. Do you remember what the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie was about? No, but you’re probably still chuckling about Johnny Depp’s performance as Captain Jack.

And so it is here with Travolta’s portrayal of the profane, badass, bald, goateed, tattooed, beefed up Wax with even beefier guns. When he first appears on screen, I thought, “Oh no, he just graduated from the Nicolas Cage School of Hambone Overacting.”

But the actor quickly won me over with the sheer joy he exudes in playing this character. Watching him take down bad guys and blow things up is like watching a child get exactly what he wants on Christmas morning. (I couldn’t help but also think that since this movie was shot while his son Jett was still alive, it may be a long time before we see Travolta this gleeful again.) And a movie with so many explosions, car chases and shootouts—done in spectacular “Aw, YEAH!”-inducing style—needs a big character like Wax to anchor it. Anything less would have been blown away with the scenery.

Nerd verdict: Fun adventure in Paris

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2010 Oscar Nominations & Script Giveaway

By now, you’ve heard the Oscar noms (you haven’t? click here) and have probably dissected them with your friends, but I’ll throw in my two cents anyway and then get to the script giveaway.

The nominees were mostly predictable so my excitement was muted (it was also wayyy early when nominations were announced), and the few surprises were not happy ones. Maggie Gyllenhaal for Crazy Heart? Someone needs to explain that to me. No way was she better than Melanie Laurent’s subtly seething performance in Inglourious Basterds or Marion Cotillard’s wife whose heart is breaking in Nine.

And I liked The Blind Side, mostly (only?) because of Sandra Bullock’s performance, so I’m okay with her nomination, but the movie has no business being in the best picture race. Neither does A Serious Man, which HAS NO ENDING! Why have the Coen brothers decided it’s okay to put their characters through all sorts of travails and then resolve nothing? They did that with No Country for Old Men and again with Serious Man. I am done with their films for now.

OK, rant over, let’s get to the giveaway. First of all—it’s open to international readers. I will e-mail a script from one of this year’s Oscar-nominated films to everyone who can get 3 people to subscribe via e-mail to this site (if you’re already a subscriber, you only have to get 2 others). If you can get 6 people, I’ll e-mail you 2 scripts. I don’t spam or give out the list to anyone.

After they subscribe, just send me their e-mail addresses so I know which ones to give you credit for, then tell me which script(s) you want. There’s no time limit to this giveaway.

Available screenplays:

Avatar by James Cameron
Crazy Heart by Scott Cooper
An Education by Nick Hornby
The Fantastic Mr. Fox by Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach
The Hurt Locker by Mark Boal
Inglourious Basterds by Quentin Tarantino
Invictus by Anthony Peckham
Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire by Geoffrey Fletcher
A Serious Man by Joel & Ethan Coen
Up in the Air by Jason Reitman
The White Ribbon by Michael Haneke

What did you think of the Oscar nominations? Who will you be rooting for on March 7?

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Mel Gibson Goes to EDGE OF DARKNESS

Edge of Darkness is an appropriate title for Mel Gibson’s latest starring vehicle because the name is as blandly formulaic as the movie, and it tells you upfront it’ll only go to the edge, not plunge you into something that could have been great.

Thomas Craven (Gibson), a Boston cop, is mad as hell after his daughter is killed right in front of him in an attack believed meant for him. As he investigates, he quickly realizes his daughter was the target and that she had a whole secret life he knew nothing about. His relentless search for answers uncovers corruption high up in the corporate world, not to mention within the government. He gets a little help from a shady character (Ray Winstone, having loads of fun) sent by people unknown to clean up the mess, but in the end, it’s Craven who’s going to blow the house down.

Let’s get something out of the way: Mel Gibson’s still got it as a movie star. Since he hasn’t been in a movie in eight years, I was shocked at first to see how much older he’s gotten. But it’s fitting that he’s not a cocksure pretty boy anymore; he’s a grieving father and the deeply etched lines on his face reflect every ounce of frustration he feels. Few actors can play righteous rage as effectively as Gibson, and when he unleashes it on the deserving parties, it’s highly satisfying.

Which is more than I can say about the movie, directed by Martin Campbell and based on a British ’80s miniseries he also helmed. It contains a couple shocking moments of violence that made me jump but other than that, there are few surprises here. If you’re familiar with a certain actor’s work, you’ll know who the bad guy is the minute he shows up because that’s all he ever plays. And is anyone stunned anymore to find corruption exists among politicians and Big Company? Yawn.

If there’s a reason to see this movie, it’s Gibson. His personal travails aside, he’s still a lethal weapon on screen after all these years.

Nerd verdict: Didn’t quite keep me on Edge of my seat

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Book Giveaway: Ben Sherwood’s THE SURVIVORS CLUB

It’s Monday. Do you think, “Damn, it’s gonna be another long week”? Or, “Hey, I survived my weekend”?

According to Ben Sherwood’s The Survivors Club, how you look at life can determine whether or not you live or die in a catastrophe. This book gave me anxiety because it constantly spouts statistics about one’s chances of dying in a myriad of ways. But I couldn’t stop reading because it also shares fascinating survivor stories and tips on how we can increase our chances of surviving unfortunate events, big and small.

Sherwood interviews people like the woman who lived after falling from the sky (she was a flight attendant on a plane that exploded), the man who didn’t die after his suicide jump from the Golden Gate Bridge (he changed his mind on the way down), the woman who survived a knitting needle through the heart AND breast cancer. Reading this book was like watching an episode of the ’80s show That’s Incredible!

Sherwood also talks to doctors and empiricists about the many variables that influence a person’s chances of survivability. Are you an optimist? You might die first in an extreme situation! The book contains instructions on how to take an Internet test called the Survivor Profiler to determine your Survivor Personality.

There are 5 types:

The Fighter attacks adversity head-on
The Believer puts faith in God
The Thinker uses his/her brain to get out of a bad situation
The Realist accepts life isn’t always rosy and knows how to adapt
The Connector draws strength from family and friends

We’ve all survived one thing or another, so which type are you? Answer this question in the comments section and I’ll enter your name in a random drawing for 1 of 5 paperback editions of The Survivors Club I’m giving away, courtesy of Hachette Book Group.

Rules:

You must be a subscriber or Twitter follower of this site (see sidebar on right)
Per HBG’s request, only U.S. and Canada residents are eligible (they’ll ship books directly to winners)
If you tweet about this giveaway, I’ll give you 2 extra entries
Contest ends Friday, February 5 at 5 p.m. PST, with winners announced only here and via Twitter. Winners will have 48 hours to reply with mailing address before alternate names are chosen.

Now, tell me what kind of survivor you are!

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Nerdies for Best & Worst of SAG Awards

I usually love movie award shows but last night’s Screen Actors Guild Awards bored me. Many of the winners were the same as Globe winners from less than a week ago so I couldn’t muster up enough excitement to cheer even if they deserved it.

For a complete list of winners, see here. Read on for my random thoughts and nerdies for the event.

Most Shocking Winner Even Though I Really Like Her: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side. Yes, I know she won a Globe but that performance wasn’t up against Meryl Streep’s in Julie & Julia (Streep won in the comedy category). I’m a big fan of Bullock’s, thought she was quite good in the movie and with her acceptance speeches, but Streep’s Julia Child wasn’t just a performance, it was a complete transformation.

Least Likely to be Wearing Any Underwear: Kate Hudson. How do you squeeze anything under that dress? How did she keep her bits in? I’m not picking on her; I really want to know.

Most Potentially Riotous Glee Guest Star: Justin Timberlake. After cast members said they wanted him on the show, Timberlake said he’d love to do it but no one has asked. Ryan Murphy, call JT’s people first thing Monday morning! Is it wrong for me to want the cast to do “Dick in the Box”?

Best Inclusion of Overlooked Co-Stars: Mo’Nique. In winning for Precious, she thanked the co-stars who haven’t been in the spotlight with her but are no less deserving of attention and accolades. She mentioned the actors who played the students in the Each One Teach One program and, most movingly, the child with special needs who played Precious’s daughter, Mongo. Mo’Nique has proven to be the most elegant acceptance-speech giver of the season. I can’t wait to hear what she says when she wins her Oscar.

Most Likely to be Working Until She’s 150: Betty White. Usually, during tributes to life achievement recipients, I take a bathroom break. Heck, I take a whole shower, those tributes are so long. But the one for White showed what an engaging entertainer she’s been throughout her long career, and her acceptance speech (“I look out at this audience and I see so many famous faces…I’ve worked with quite a few. Maybe had a couple”) proves that, at 88, she’s still got the wit and spunk to go a few more decades.

Best…Oh, Never Mind: I just wanted to run this picture of Colin Firth. Do I need an excuse or a fake award category?

Favorite Homegirls: Tina Fey and Bullock. Fey went to my alma mater, University of Virginia (I have a yearbook with her picture in it—no glasses, listed as Elizabeth Fey), and gave it a shout-out when she thanked her acting teachers there. Meanwhile, Bullock went to high school at Washington-Lee in Arlington, Virginia, not far from where I grew up (my brother’s best friend was in her class).

Best News for 40-Year-Old Men: The stunning Sofia Vergara says she’s single and looking for a 40-year-old guy. Her publicist’s inbox is going to explode.

Did you watch the awards? What were highlights and lowlights for you?

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Inside the SAG Awards’ Voting Process

The 16th annual SAG Awards are tomorrow, January 23, 2010 (televised on TBS and TNT), but before they’re handed out, I polled three different voters to see how they cast their ballots, not just who they voted for but the process in which they made their choices.

My interviewees come from different demographics and have been SAG members for various lengths of time. How much do they agree on 2009’s “best” performances? I sent them all identical questions but their answers are hardly the same.

The voters are:

Lauren, 20s, SAG member for 9 months, first-time voter
Actor (he wished to remain anonymous), 30s, SAG member for 12 years
Susan, 40s, SAG member for 14 years

PCN: How long did it take you to fill out the ballot? How much thought did you put into it?

Lauren: I knew who my favorites were as soon as the nominations came out, which made voting pretty easy. It was my first time voting so I was pretty excited! There is nothing like opening your mailbox for the first time and having a screener addressed to you “for your consideration.” I felt special!

Actor: I did it in two sittings with a lot of thought put into it. It’s a privilege to be able to vote.

Susan: I must say I filled out the SAG ballot with great alacrity as I looked at the calendar and realized it had to go out yesterday [January 19] or it wouldn’t be counted. It was raining, I could hear the mailman coming and so I kinda sped thru filling in the little bubbles. I would say it took me about two minutes and I didn’t really ponder a great deal on any of my choices except for thinking some of the categories were ridiculous.

PCN: Who do you feel deserves a win so much, you’d go on strike if it doesn’t happen?

Lauren: I thought there were some really great film performances this [past] year. I was especially happy with a lot of the female performances…As I’ve heard from most people, I think Mo’Nique really deserves to be recognized for her performance [in Precious]. I also really enjoyed Christoph Waltz’s performance in Inglourious Basterds.

Actor: Mo’Nique.

Susan: It would be a travesty if Meryl Streep doesn’t win for Julie & Julia. She WAS Julia Child and she is soooo NOT Julia Child [in real life]! In TV ensemble cast, I want Glee or Modern Family to win. If anything else wins, I will not be happy.

PCN: Who do you think shouldn’t bother preparing a speech?

Lauren: As an actor, I have a hard time saying I don’t think anyone should “bother” preparing a speech, because I honestly believe anyone nominated should relish it and hope to win. That’s how I would feel if it were me.

I thought Diane Kruger was an odd nomination for Inglourious Basterds but that was just because her performance didn’t stand out for me. I also am one of the five people that didn’t like The Hurt Locker so I wasn’t on board with Jeremy Renner’s nomination, but I stress that I was one of the very few people I know who didn’t care for the film.

Actor: Diane Kruger (Inglourious Basterds), Helen Mirren (The Last Station), and the cast of An Education.They just have really stiff competition.

Susan: Much as I love Sandra Bullock, and I really did think she did a lovely job in The Blind Side, she shouldn’t really think that she can beat “La Streep.”

PCN: Which categories do you think will contain the exact same names when the Oscar noms are announced? Which categories do you think will change the most?

Lauren: I hope An Education gets recognition at the Oscars! The ensemble and storytelling in that film made it one of my favorites of the season. For me, it came in as the second best film this season behind Up In The Air. I think the lead actor and actress Oscar nominations will be similar to ours. I do think Avatar will definitely cancel some nominations out. That said, there are 10 nominations for best picture this year so most movies worth seeing should be nominated.

Actor: I don’t think any of the categories will have the exact same names. SAG nominees, from my recollection, traditionally have different nominees than a lot of the other mainstream organizations. They (we) also vote for really weird things. Take, for example, some previous winners for best ensemble cast: The Birdcage over The English Patient, Little Miss Sunshine over The Departed.

Susan: Well, of course it won’t be the best picture ensemble because for some reason there are going to be TEN best picture nominees. Whatever! And there will be no TV categories or stunt categories (another whatever!). But I do believe they are pretty dead on with most of the nominees in the film categories except maybe best supporting actress.

PCN: How do you vote when you haven’t seen most of the nominees in a category? Do you randomly pick one or leave it blank?

Lauren: I voted for Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens even though I hadn’t seen all the nominees in [female actor in TV movie/miniseries]. I would have left it blank, but it’s rare that I appreciate Drew Barrymore’s acting and I thought she did a really wonderful job in that film.

I also had a tough time [with the lead movie actor category] because the one film I wanted to see and haven’t yet is Crazy Heart and I’ve heard wonderful things about Jeff Bridges. I voted for someone else in that category but hopefully if Mr. Bridges really deserves the award, my vote will be canceled out somewhere.

Actor: I go with the actor’s body of work. Are they credible? Have they proven themselves? I also sometimes consult a trusted friend.

Susan: If I haven’t seen a performance, I usually try and think about the actor and what I have seen them do. For instance, in the male TV actor category, I have seen all of these actors’ work before, just not necessarily their work this season of the show, so I try to go on that.

PCN: Do you really vote for the best actors, or do you go with your favorite actors?

Lauren: I vote for the best actors in the roles they have been nominated for. In the TV comedy ensemble, I was tempted to vote for Glee because it’s my favorite new show, but I took a second to think about it and ended up voting for Modern Family instead. I felt the acting and comedic timing is genius within the Modern Family ensemble, even though I do enjoy the cheesy dancing and singing that comes with Glee.

Actor: The best.

Susan: I would like to say I always vote for the best performance but sometimes, if I haven’t seen all the performances, I do vote for my favorite. Or, if there is a performance that I haven’t seen but it has gotten such great buzz, like Mo’Nique in Precious, I vote with the masses (yes, I am a lemming).

PCN: Which performances do you think deserved nominations but were snubbed?

Lauren: Marion Cotillard was FANTASTIC in Nine. I think her performance made the movie enjoyable when it had so little plot to go on.

I also really enjoyed Peter Sarsgaard [in An Education] and I thought Tobey Maguire was really good in Brothers even though I didn’t love the movie itself.

Actor: Samantha Morton (The Messenger), Marion Cotillard (Nine), Melanie Laurent (Inglourious Basterds), the Up in the Air ensemble, and Shohreh Aghdashloo (The Stoning of Soraya M.).

Susan: Julianne Moore (A Single Man), Samantha Morton…There were a lot of good supporting performances this year for actresses.

PCN: When they win SAG Awards, actors often say, “This means more to me than anything because it’s from my peers.” If you win one, would you feel that way or is that B.S.?

Lauren: I would definitely feel that way! Actors are very judgmental…and they understand how hard it is to be a working actor in Hollywood. To have people I respect and admire voting for me to win an award specifically for acting would be really special. It’s always the best to have validation from your peers; it’s one of the best kinds of respect and support in an otherwise very competitive field.

Actor: I do think the award would mean more because it comes from peers. Everyone knows the joke: “How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?” Answer: “One, and twenty others who say ‘I can do it better.'” Actors can be a catty bunch.

Susan: When an actor says the award means more because it comes from their peers, I guess I believe that because I feel a fellow actor probably knows a bit more about the craft and the business of acting than the press or the general public. But would I look down on a People’s Choice Award or a Golden Globe or any other random award someone wants to give me? Hell, NO! I am open to all awards!

And there you have it, readers—an inside look at how SAG Awards recipients are chosen. Which ones were your favorites? How would YOU vote?

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Tell Me a Story About…Chair

I had so much fun when we played our storytelling game last time (read it here), I decided to do it again. Based on an exercise Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about in her book Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, the rules are simple. I throw out a random word and you tell me a story, whatever thought or memory triggered by that word. The word is mundane on purpose because creating an interesting anecdote around it is more of a challenge than if the word is, say, “lederhosen.” I mean, that’s too easy, right?

I asked someone to give me a word so that I don’t cheat and only select ones that have amazing stories tied to them. And I was given: chair.

This made me think of a time in fourth grade when I was the new kid in school. My first day, I had to take the chair at the front of the class directly across from the teacher’s desk because no one else wanted to sit there.

I was asked to go to the blackboard at one point to do some math problem. When I came back to my chair, I unwittingly sat down on a handful of thumbtacks. YOW! Apparently, the two classroom bullies decided to waste no time picking on the new girl so they put tacks in my seat.

Instinctively, I knew if I cried out, I’d be a target forever. They were waiting to hear me scream and then they’d laugh at me. So, though my eyes started to water, I clenched my teeth and sat still.

I heard one boy whisper, “I thought you put the tacks in her chair!”

“I did!”

“Why isn’t she doing anything?!”

“I don’t know!”

“You’re stupid!”

“No, YOU are!”

If I hadn’t been in pain, I would’ve laughed. Instead, I focused on resisting the urge to jump up and pull tacks out of my butt. When the two boys eventually lost interest in me, I shifted, um, myself slightly and yanked them out discreetly. The morons never picked on me again.

OK, your turn!

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